A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was friends with this girl for over 8 months and then we both started developing feelings for each other. She told me first that she likes me and we became closer. After 2 weeks she told me that she doesn't feel the same without giving any reason and ended it. I was very hurt. Again after a couple of weeks later she said she was sorry and that she wanted me back. And again after a week she did the same thing. I loved her but decided to forget all this and just be friends.She kept reminding me how important I am to her and used to come to me for emotional support when ever she needed it. But she never did the same for me. I figured she is not the kind of the person who has the patience to listen to others. I gave her lot of support. Be it in a relationship with someone or with her work or her family issues. I used to help her emotionally.Recently (i.e. after six months) I found out that she was using me as a rebound guy when she told me that she loved me because she didn't want to fall for a guy, who had a bad history and present, and that she had never had any feelings for me. I was hurt a lot. But then she apologized and I forgave her cause she meant very important to me.She again threw hints that she likes me by saying things like “I am your girl”, and asking me how things will be when we get married. She said that she doesn’t like that guy anymore and I fell for her again. And when it was clear that I like her back, she threw me a curve ball saying that I mean nothing to her. In the scale from 1 to 10 she gave me 1-2 with 10 being important. I think even that was out of sympathy. I just left without saying anything much except that we will be just friends from now on.I gave her some very important time of my life. Keeping her happy was like my priority even when I considered her as just a friend. I shared important details of my life with her. Now I feel very used when I found out she considers me less than a friend. I was more like a free shrink to her. I feel very hurt. She has only hurt me while I have always kept her happy. All this is changing the way I am. I am being meaner to people. Can’t concentrate on work. Basically I think she ruined my life. She still tries to contact me with her issues as if nothing is wrong. I have no idea how I can get out of this mental state. I feel destroyed. I just want to be normal again. I know the first thing to do is get her out of my life but that is just not happening. Are there any other way that you can suggest? I still want to be friends with her as she was my first love. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008): Oh dear, it looks like you've encountered a wolf among the sheep!
The immediate thing you need to do is stop giving this girl your time. Make it clear to her that you "don't have time to help" or that you are "busy with something else". If you say that you feel like a free shrink to her, tell her plain and simply that you aren't one! She will get the hint. If she doesn't, you MUST make it clear to her that you are unhappy with the situation and that you won't stand for it. Think about it from her perspective: she has a good thing going here. Why stop if she can help it? The bottom line is she WILL NOT stop. This move is YOURS to make, my friend.
That's the easier part. The harder part will be a few days/weeks down the line when the anger subsides and you start to let down your barriers again, feel sorry for her, wonder if she's ok, etc. This is when you must remember this important point: THIS GIRL KNOWS HOW TO PLAY YOU AND AS SUCH IS VERY DANGEROUS. Sad to say, there is such a thing as being "too kind". Treat others as you would like to be treated by all means, but don't let them take the piss ;) Life is all about balances.
Coming from a guy that was in a similar situation to yourself, I know how this feels. However, take comfort in the knowledge that you have got invaluable experience from this. You may feel like you have been used, but under the covers (no pun intended) you were gaining from the experience too. Try to focus on that. When you do find the right girl, the experience gained from the girl mentioned here will only serve to make that new relationship stronger and richer. Good luck to you my friend and take care!
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