A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:10/21/07 4:34 a.m.Hello,I am desperately asking for help right now... I am 20 and was kicked out of my house May of 2006 for silly reasons. Like not cleaning the whole house or as mothers would do lot.. compare how we are not like so and so. I was a full time student working 2 jobs. My mother is a single mother with 5 little sons to assist to at the same time. My mother is also very young and still parties, has my little bros take care of themselves, the youngest being 2, oldest, 15. She kicked me out bcause she expected too much of me and I rebelled because I can only do so much! Now I have been off on my own. Found a wonderful job across the state and found a man who loves me soo much. He is everything I can ever ask for. But it has been over a year and I miss my family so. My mother is financially struggling BAD. And I feel horrible.. because I am a family person and love my brothers so much. My question is what I should do. Should I stay with the love of my life or go back to my family? There is a space in my heart that not even my boyfriend can fill.. and that space is meant for my mothers love and my family. I dont know what to do. I cry even now and then and it hurts to the bone. .. can u please help me? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): Hun, Call your Mother and see how your family is doing. No matter the difficulties, we need to stay attached and loved by our families. You need that family connection, that love..it's vital to all humans. Tell your Mother, how much you love her and your brothers and that you want to come home and visit. But remember, at 20 years old, you should be doing just what you are doing. Living an independent life away from your family..making your own way in the world and establishing yourself in this good, love relationship with this boyfriend. You are doing nothing wrong. But you need the love of your family to ..we all need that. Call Mom, tell her you hope that you and she can come to a compromise and let her know you want to see them. Tell her "I miss you all-I treasure you all so much that I truly want to know what's happening in your lives" No Mom can resist such love.
Your Mother and you had problems. She has her own life issues she is dealing with. She depended on you to help her. But she may noiw understand that you had to do that..find your own path in life. Give this a try..call her. The fastest way to help another person rise higher is to love them as they are, not try to change them. Unconditional love does not mean we have to agree with another person. But it does mean that we unreservedly value others as inherently worthy of love. You both need to talk. And when you talk, no judgements, no harsh words...just generosity. If she doesn't respond, don't give up. Give it a rest for a few months and try again. She is not built of ice..she will eventually respond to your love. Good luck, hun and keep us posted.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): It's hardly your fault that your mother is what I would call an irresponsible parent. It's not your fault that she finds herself in financial difficulties, or that she has so many children to look after.
Some mothers take advantage of their eldest daughter, using her as an unpaid live-in mothers helper, babysitter, cook and cleaner which appears to be the case here. Of course, you still love your mother even though you maybe perceive that she used you like a slave while you lived in the same house.
You ask if you should stay with the love of your life or go back to your family. I see no reason at all why you cannot do both!
Arrange to go and see your mother with your boyfriend and introduce them to each other. You don't have to move back in, in fact I wouldn't recommend doing that as you'll be back doing the housework etc., and unless she's totally cut you out of her life you should be able to visit on a regular basis and keep in touch with her and your brothers.
Phil
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): Hi Hunny,
Sweetheart can you not stay with your b/f and plan a visit with your mother to sort things out and then maybe she will let you visit and take your brothers out with your fella, You love your fella so much you have said, Why let him go love, You were chucked out because you didnt help enough its alot to expect from a teenager hunny and Im not suprised you rebelled. Im a mom of 3 I love them all so much.. I still love to party. And all kids can drive you nuts at some point I can understand how hard it is I had to tell my son to leave as he was drinking to much and needed help, But he still comes back I still love him very much. If he had a partner I wouldnt want him to come home to help me and ruin his life he so loved though.
Get intouch with your family and see how things go from there love, But think more than twice about leaving what you have built, Your wonderfull b/f and your great job, We all grow and you have grown into a wonderfull caring young woman. What mother could wish for more, It is possible that you can keep your fella and help mom and see your brothers, I can see that you are worried with your brothers been left on there own, And I dont no how far it is you have to travel to see your family, Your strong hunny you've had to be. Dry those tears sweetheart and think what a lovely kind and caring person you are and work around all this with the help of your partner if he loves you as much as you say he will be a big help to you.
please take care message me anytime you need a chat and try and stop worrying so much and give it ago getting intouch with mom TAKE CARE LOTS OF LOVE MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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