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male
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*ttawaboi
writes: I feel used...Heres my story:I was really busy one night, with a big presentation the next morning and exams just around the corner. My time was needed to study. Every second of it that is. Despite all this, my gf calls me and asks me to come over. We have been dating for just about two years now. I tell her how busy i am, but she really wanted me to come over because her mom was home from a 5 week travel and that she wanted us all to have a nice gathering at her (my gf's) house. So i agree, with the idea that i will study my stuff at her house after dinner.Now, they decide to order pizza and salads for dinner. They ask me to call and make the order. I didWhen the delivery man arrived, i grabbed the food, and my gf's mom helped me bring it in, and she just dissapeared into the living room to eat and i was left standing at the door with this poor delivery boy expecting his money. Now knowing what to do, i turn around and i ask my gf if her mom went off to get the cash. She replied 'no', 'i just assumed u'll pay'Say what? i thought i was invited over for a dinner...turns out i was expecting to pay a $60 food bill...and NO ONE OFFERED TO HELP ME OUT EVEN. Not having the money at hand, i took the delivery boy to the bank and paid him there, then i drove back and found them already gulping down the food (they didnt even have the courtesy to wait for me. I was gone for 3 mins). When i got back, i took my gf aside and i told her i was extememly upset. She told me she 'messed up' and it wont happen again. The messed up part is, when i go to the table with the rest of the family..everyones like 'thank you for the food'...and i was just left there looking like an idiot and saying 'ur welcome?'It was the middle of the Christmas season and i had a load of gifts to buy and my gf knew i was low on cash...and she apologised at least, but what am i supposed to think about the rest of the family? It was extremely hurtful. Opinions?
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reader, eddie  +, writes (6 December 2006):
 This has happened to me on many occasions. I have a sister-in-law who does this all the time. It has also caused tension between my wife and I. My sister in law will come over on a Friday with her two kids, and stay until Sunday. She's always broke, never shows any gratitude and never returns a favour. NEVER !!!!
She will bring her dirty laundry to my house, use my soap, machine, dryer etc and leave the bootle empty if she runs out of detergent. She leaves messes around the house and offers no help preparing meals etc. She eats and drinks anything she wants and never reaches into her pocket to pay if we order take out food, yet she'll sit there and feed her family. If we go to her house for some reason, usually to help her with something, she offers us NOTHING !! She's in her 30's. It drives me nuts.
As for you, you've learned your lesson. Has this happened in the past? Maybe it was a bad set of circumstances. Maybe your girlfriends family assumed she was paying. If not, shake it off and chalk it up to experience. But, don't let the cycle continue. This is where you must take the bull by the horns. I didn't. In my case, we've been making excuses for my sister-in-law for years. It only builds resentment. People who are takers only stop taking when you stop giving.
In your case, you were embarrassed so instead of talking to everybody you went and got some cash. You started to resent it immediatley and it festerd. It's good you caught it early. When you deal with rude people who are willy to take advantage, you hve to be one step ahead. They know all the tricks and count on them. I hope this was a one time thing.
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (6 December 2006):
 Hi Ottawaboi,
That's terrible! If that happened to me, I would pull aside her mother and explain what you've written in this post. Most likely she will understand that you're tight on money - you're still a student for crying out loud! - and offer to pay you back. (Maybe this is just a big misunderstanding.) If she doesn't, then I would talk to your girlfriend about paying for HER mother's dinner. If she doesn't have the cash, maybe just tell her that's what you'd like for Christmas. (Lousy Christmas present, I know, but at least you'd have your money back.)
If nobody offers to pay you back, I guess next time just walk over to the table, sit down, and say that the delivery boy is at the door and waiting for "YOU" to pay him.
And if this is not a misunderstanding (like I hope it is) then you know to keep yourself "guarded" in the future.
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): Well you were caught out this time but explain to your gf that money is tight and you just can't afford for that to happen. I personally think it was extremely rude and i wouldn't do that. Also she knew you were studying and needed the time, so the next time be a bit more forceful and tell her NO! You have to have your time, space and CASH! Just put this to the back of your mind and put it down to experience.
Take care
xx
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