A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my ex close to a half a year ago, but because we were talking as friends I never really dealt with it. So it has been about 2 months since I have been dealing with it and I have gone through everything from being sad, to angry at her (I was pretty badly mistreated). I am at the point where I have accepted the end, and I don't want to be back in a relationship with her.Our relationship was super bi-polar. It would be so intense one way or the other. Either madly in love or just terrible and painful fights (almost on a weekly basis).I catch myself being sentimental and remembering the good feelings a lot, and I do still wonder about her almost every day. Basically only when I am alone and not with anyone or doing something. But its always in the back of my mind that I know its good that it ended because it was a very unhealthy relationship.I know you will never forget someone you fell in love with, because its impossible. I have been talking to a new girl who I like, she just has a sweet and warm personality. Its a dating site so the implication of romance is there. I have created this worry though that I am going to ultimately hurt her because I'll realize like a few months from now I'm not over my ex or something like that. I would never want to use anyone or hurt them like that so it does bother me to think about.In my mind I don't compare her to my ex at all and I am not looking for a replacement or anything like that. I see her for who she is. I think the part that worries me is that when it was good the feelings of love were so intense for me, and I think I worry that I won't ever feel like that again.She does kind of look like my ex a little bit (same nationality and same body type) but I think that is more of my taste in women now.I am writing this because we have been messaging enough where its getting to that point where I should get her number then take her out eventually.But I just want some honest opinions on whether or not you guys think I am ready to date again? My ex was the first time i fell in love so I am new to the whole dating again thing. I am not sure whats normal and whats not. My ex and I were together for a little under a year if that matters.thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): I think its great that you are aware of the rebound thing and concerned not to treat someone as a rebound. The fact that you are aware how that sort of relationship starts, pretty much rules out the chance that this will happen with you. People fall in love all the time. You will probably find theres someone in this new girls past that she loved too. But its possible to think that you've had the best because it was all you knew...when in fact there is far better out there for you. So dont be put off dating. Just be honest with this girl and take things easy, either love will arrive or it wont. Thats normal when you start any new relationship. But if love doesnt arrive, be honest with her and dont just settle. Because thats when troubles start. Enjoy dating and dont worry too much.
A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (11 March 2011):
 Hey. I am sorry that you're going though this. You seem so sweet.
As far as your fear of never feeling the same love again, I'm gonna use a simile. Just work with me, because this would work better on a girl.
Imagine that one day.. your hair is crap. You can't get it to do what you want, it's all over the place, you don't know where your part is... it's terrible. Then the next day, somehow, it all just falls perfectly into place and looks amazing, feels great, and makes you feel confident.
If you didn't have those day when your hair was in ruins, then the days when you hair was lookin great, wouldn't feel quite so amazing and you wouldn't be as excited.
Love with your ex might be brilliant one day, but that's comparing it to yesterday, or last week. That's having exaggerated feelings because you're just so glad that you're having a good day with her.
I can't say that it will be the girl you're taling about now, and I can't say it will be you're next gf, but you WILL fall in love again one day. When you find the girl who is right for you, then you will understand how it is to be madly in love EVERY DAY no matter what is going on, and you will feel even better than you have before. There is no need to be so afraid of not finding that feeling again, that you don't try. If you don't try, then you mostly certainly will not find it again. The only way to really have a future, is to put yourself out there. You may get crushed, but you will get over it. You may fall in love and be great. She may get crushed but she will get over. She may fall in love and be great.
Life is too short to stand around day dreaming or being afraid. If you want to know how something will turn out, then GO DO IT. Stop talking to us, and go do it.
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