A
female
age
41-50,
*lectricstorm
writes:I had an affair with a married man, currently losing friends and I have had to give up Kung fu.I don't know where to start I have been having an affair with a married man from my kung fu club since last August. The affair finished mid March …..February last year I spilt out of a long term relationship with a man who was forever cheating on me and always told me he was not in love with me.I started to re build my life and my bubbly happy go lucky personality came back, I joined a martial art's club through a friend, which I loved as I had always wanted a hobby and I loved the discipline, I fitted in with the boys and girls just having a laugh and going to the pub after training, One of the men who is 36 and a complete and utter flirt paid me a lot of attention and as we had so much in common and the chemistry so strong we became friends then lovers. It was meant to be sexual fun. I didn't want anyone special and there was such an attraction between us.We were texting and e-mailing each other all day long, he even got our own phone and I would see him after training and round mine once a week, Please don't get me wrong there were times I felt bad at times as he had children.Back in November he told me that he had fallen in love with me and I finally admitted my feelings, we didn't end and had a blissful secret life together.In March we spilt because we realised it wasn't right to carry on and I was getting too serious. I was head over heels. He told me that he told him self not to love me.It hurt to go training and see him knowing we wouldn't be together later that night, by April 5th I accepted the situation. I went a bit mental in between still texting and calling analysing the situation over and over.Then we attended a funeral of our friend from kung fu baby son had died aged 2 months.It was not like a usual wake there was lot of drinking , myself and my ex ( if I am allowed to call him that) were having a laugh in the garden, totally just being friends, when he went to the bath room, I was approached by the person whose son had died and was advised not to fall in love with …. …., I denied it all we had all been drinking a cocktail of drink, the conversation because heated, I became upset, then spoke to someone else tried to deny it all got tongue tied, upset declared my undying love my ex, the guy I was talking to the kung fu instructor threatened me, I got nasty back, begged him not to stop me training ( my ex lover who was oblivious to this in the house) , my friend sat me down and I confessed all to her drunk in tears and crying, I can't remember a great deal, I escaped them and ordered my ex lover out of the house to talk we rowed, basically I used the words if you bring me down I will bring you down, he said that would be the last thing I would ever do, I swear I would never have contacted his wife I am not like that.Anyway he came back with me, woke up at 10am run out of the flat like I was a piece of sh't, then texted later to apologise.Its been two weeks, I have been e-mailing, texting, phoning my friends who have also been mates with him over the years and basically they don't want to get involved.My friends who lost her nephew is disgusted in me, and I have been told by the girls to stay away from Kung fu, I have tried other clubs but its not the same the training is different. I have spoken to my ex and he said he is not worried if I go back, he hasn't been back his self yet.I am mortified, ashamed, embarrassed by the affair, getting caught out, my drubken loud actions at the funneral, people thinking I am mental. I don't want the married man back I just want to do a martial art I love and have been doing twice a week for nearly a year. As a low grade I won't have any thing to do with him, but my friend said if I had any respect for her I will keep away.Can I go back.....
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Electricstorm +, writes (20 April 2007):
Electricstorm is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for replying. Trouble is I know you are right but I am so head strong and if he can go back why can't I. My friend stayed away from the club for 6 months when she spilt up with the sifu ( instructor ) I am quite strong willed and don't hide my head in the sand usually.
Part of me needs to see for myself if the men are angry. I want to know is it hear say. The gitl keeping me away is upset it was at her nephews funneral but she is having an affair with a married man who has two children, he she dumped last week then got back together with now he has said he will leave his wife.
So why I am I the outcast?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2007): I think it would be easier for you to find another club that you can like and stay away from 1st one.You are going to be made to feel an outcast and you dont deserve that.They are wrong to judge you, it takes 2 to tango after all. Do yourself a big favour and move on.
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