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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I feel really bad admitting this but i have been with my partner five months and i think the world of him. But the other evening we was drinking and to the point where i literally don't remember what was said. But he went into the kitchen and when i went in he told me that i had not liked what he was saying to me and i back slapped him across his face.I genuinely don't recall doing it and asked him a few times if he was sure i had. I have no doubts he was telling the truth and i was absolutely mortified. He has forgiven me and has let it go, but i still feel so guilty but i am afraid that i will do it again. Any advice please and yes i know it is disgusting what i did
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 September 2017):
 You won't do it again if you give up drinking. If drink allows you to behave like this, you might be much happier in life without it. It is the only solution that I can see for this anyway.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2017): If you get blackouts from drinking and can't remember what you've said or done, you drink too much. Don't feel guilty, quit drinking for awhile; until you get your act together.
At least apologize.
If he has let go, let it go.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (20 September 2017):
 Yes, I have advice. You NEED to feel every bit as terrible about this as you do. You need to feel so horrified that you even have the CAPABILITY to inflict domestic violence and to raise a hand to someone you love, because anyone who can do that is, and I hate to say this to you, but a monster.
In your case, your drinking and blacking out unleashed that monster, but make no mistake -- it was always in there. Alcohol merely dropped your inhibition to the point where you committed violence, and that should TELL you something.
Does that mean I'm saying you're a monster for all time? Not at all. People have the capacity to grow and improve and become their better selves. In your case, put the bottle or glass DOWN.
My aunt started out just like you, but she didn't let herself feel enough revulsion towards her drunken and drug-fueled actions until it was really too late. She got blackout drunk and stabbed her live-in boyfriend to death with a kitchen knife in a fight she doesn't remember to this day. She only remembers coming out of it in jail covered with his blood. That was NOT her first blackout, nor her first fight, nor her first act of violence. But she also never raised a hand to him when she was sober either. But she didn't do something about her alcoholism, and both she and those around her downplayed every time she slapped or hit or pushed him (as well as former boyfriends or husbands she was married to..she was married 6 times).
Let that fear keep you from filling your glass. Let that fear keep you from going to the liquor store. And, if this boyfriend is also drinking up a storm and is not good for you in that way, let that fear maybe part ways with the toxicity that can unleash that monster in you.
AND - you may want to talk to someone on a professional level. In my aunt's case, her own mother (my grandmother) was a chaotic alcoholic who got drunk and into fistfights with her father until they split up and she sobered up in AA after losing custody of her children.
Deal with this before slapping during a blackout becomes something to which there is no return. My aunt was convicted of second degree murder for an act that she doesn't remember. She has quit drinking and has turned herself around, but the damage is done. She's a felon now. You don't want to go that far, so STAY TERRIFIED and do something about it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 September 2017):
 Stop drinking. Either altogether or stop at 2 drinks. If you get so drunk that you do things you can't remember you are having issues with alcohol.
At your age, you should know your limits. If you can't just have 1-2 drinks then you need to not drink alcohol at all.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (20 September 2017):
 Try not drinking until you don't know what you're doing?
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