A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok, not too long ago, i was home alone and my family was out on vacation. well one night, i got drunk by myself and then i heard the doorbell, i opened it thinkin it was one of my friends came to visit me. but it was my neighbor, my 58 year old neighbor. He said he was lookin for my mom but i said she wasnt here. I counldnt see that well but i reconized his voice. then out of no where he held me by my head and asked if i wanted sex. i was scared that he might kill me if i didnt and said ok... (i was wasted bad!) all night we did it till the morning he said he have to go to work. do u consider this rape? and what should i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): Oops, somebody reactivated it and I didn't notice.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 June 2008):
 PSSSTTT!!! Hey, fellow aunts, this is a really old thread... dates back to September 07....
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (26 June 2008):
 Border line, you were obviously not to drunk to walk, to react to your enviroment (hearing the doorbell) and taking the correct action. Furthermore it was not him that got you drunk.
A defense lawyer would have you for breakfast. Would you claim you had reason to fear your neighbor? Is he normally violent or abusive?
He did not use force, he did not threaten you, just asked for sex and you agreed ALL NIGHT LONG!
While you may feel violated I doubt you would even manage to get this into court.
I would be careful repeating this accusation in real life as you could find yourself in court for libel.
Basically, you made a mistake, too bad but is it really his fault that you drank more then you should have and agreed to have sex with someone who rang the door bell?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): You were taken advantage of. You were not raped. You made no attempt to even say that you don't want sex. You are at least 22 per the age that you have listed. If you can't control your drinking to the point of not knowing what you are doing then you have no one else to blame but yourself. He didn't get you drunk or drug you. He asked. You gave permission. It's no different than you wanting to get picked up at a bar, going to bed willingly and then calling it rape.
Yes, the guy is an asshole and a person never to be trusted. Yes, you were scared. But you also agreed to have sex all night long. Chalk it up to a bad decision and don't get that drunk again. Tell the guy's wife if he has one and get him in trouble with her. Tell your parents if you want and let them confront the guy. If you go to the police, you will have to come up with some lies to turn your mistake into rape. That would be an even bigger mistake than your first one of getting so drunk. If you lie and were to be found out then you could be the one who ends up in jail.
The anon male is correct. If this were a case where the sexes were reversed, these women so eager to scream rape every time a woman gets drunk, makes a mistake and regrets it later would have a totally different set of rules. Hypocritical garbage.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): call the police, its blackmail.
Dont let him know otherwise he will show everyone b4 the cops get 2him.
DExplain wat happend and ask 4 help
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): Don't tell your parents. It will make you feel like an infant. Use your own mind. Be your own person.There is no way society can function with women agreeing to have sex, never raising a finger in resistance or a word of objection, and then later saying, "I said nothing because I was scared". This is unacceptable. I would go even further. This is like false accusations of sexual harassment. It is malicious, idiotic, and dangerous for relations between the sexes. IF YOU DON'T WANT IT, SAY NO. USE YOUR MOUTH. SAY NO. SAY SOMETHING.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): I can't help thinking that if this was a man's post.. that he was incredibly drunk, and his female neighbor came by.. and they had sex all night long.. and when he woke up the next morning and was incredibly embarrassed and regretful since the woman was 58 years old and nearly three times his age.. we wouldn't be throwing around the word "rape". One might say they had needs they satisfied with "consensual sex". We might actually congratulate the woman knowing what she wanted and having the courage to "go for it" with this younger guy. Other guys might congratulate him for "scoring" with the next door neighbor.. then rib him because of her age.. In any case, the threshold for "rape" for me is the word "no". I don't recall hearing you use it in your story. While I agree, as the other posters have said, this man is immoral, without the word "no", unfortunately, bad drunken decisions do not constitute rape. Were you taken advantage of, yes.. but there was no monopoly on poor judgement here on either side. I think the big question here is whether something "wrong" happened here. I don't believe sex is inherently wrong, unless of course, you are underaged.. but, assuming consent, what's wrong with.. as the other poster said, chaulking it up to a less desirable experience and moving on? I would, of course, let this neighbor know, in no uncertain terms, that while you enjoyed yourself 1. as to not insult, 2. this also says that, as a young adult, you can have sex with whomever you want.. (this eliminates possibility of blackmail to your parents by implying to him that whom you have sex with is your own decision.. and that you have "decided" no) and 3. to also let him know he doesn't control you.. that what happened.. happened only because you let him.. in other words.. you let him once.. and that you.. by your own decision and still in control, have decided not do this again so don't even ask. I guess I am saying, tactfully, while grateful for the experience, you feel you were taken advantage of, and have decided once was enough, and it will never happen again. If this doesn't work, obviously, since now you have expressed to him his advances are not wanted by you.. any further advances he makes are either sexual harrassment or rape etc.. and you should tell parents, go to police etc.. as the others have said.. The problem with crying rape immediately, is that the evidence doesn't support it, so nothing may happen to him.. and it implies that if you are drunk, you have no self control and turn into this sexually maniacal vixen and that if he times his visits right, might be able to take advantage of again.. and again.. and again.. ps. I would also seek counseling to see what underlying feelings would make your drink so heavily, let him in at night when you were alone, and have sex with him all night.. Your parents are too close to give you objective help on this.. and your dad will just want to go over and shoot him..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007): sorry for the typo's I did not say i would have sex with him he said If I had sex with him he would not tell. Sorry if there was any confusion
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007): Oh sweety I know what you are going through. I had been drinking at a wedding one night. My sisters husband kissed me and I let him (dont know why). Any way he said he would tell everyone in my family I kissed him and he did not mean to kiss me back. I said if I had sex with him hewould not tell and would even destroy the security tape from the hotel lobby (he works at the hotel). I did as he said I feel like I was raped. He still has not destroyed the tape and keeps using it to get what he wants. The other night he made me have sex with him wothout a condom.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007): Yes it is rape if a man foces himself on you and u don't want sex go and tell someone and report him
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female
reader, ladybug  +, writes (16 September 2007):
 he took advantage of you, you are helpless those times, and you are scared.. those were enough reason to be called rape! but on contrast, you did it all night! and you sound really concious of what's happening! GUESS WHAT?? you just actually let that jerk have sex with you!. You know, you always have the right to say no especially if the matter is against your will. I think the best thing you should do right now is to tell the whole thing to your parents and let them take help you take some legal actions about it.
good luck!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007): yes that is rape ,am an estate police officer. you should go to the police and report this
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male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (14 September 2007):
Maybe you were raped and maybe you weren't. Could depend on how drunk you were and the laws of your locale. You can remember him asking and you said yes. How is he supposed to know exactly how drunk you were. You weren't so drunk that you couldn't respond or remember f***ing all night long. I suggest you chaulk it up to experience.
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male
reader, shortie0431 +, writes (14 September 2007):
Technically you were raped. I dont no what the other people that are saying you wern't raped are talking about. If you were really drunk, meaning you have impaired judgement, and you said yes because you were drunk and scared then yes you were raped. Especially considering it was your 58 yr old neighbor. Also the law states that even if you say yes and you are drunk at the time and the other person is sober and you have sex you are raped.
You should probably tell somebody such as your mom or someone. Good Luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): You weren't raped. You did it all night until the morning. It sounds like you enjoyed yourself. Now you regret it b/c you're sober. He did take advantage of your drunkness & being alone, but a lot of men take advantage of drunk girls & that doesn't make them rapists, just assholes. You need to make it clear to him that you will not be doing that with him ever again & that you only did because you were scared & drunk. The next time you're home alone, don't answer the door unless you know who it is. Keep a cell phone with you at all times, and make sure you have a weapon close at hand if you need it. You should also tell your mom but I think you may be too embarassed to.
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female
reader, samohir  +, writes (13 September 2007):
 Could b difficult , but i will and probably if u consider legal action the jury will put it as a Bad decision not rape!
I would sugeest not to take it so disatrous, had happened to me also,drunk and having sex with a man that i do not like(not often) probably happened to a lot of people!
next time just be more careful, and look on it as an lesson!
And after all you did it all night without objection , so it must be just ur moral side that now is arguing against it, nothing else!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 September 2007):
 "all night we did it till the morning" if you were not tied to the bed or restrained in some way, then this is not rape just a bad decision to have sex with the old geezer. I understand your regrets but did agree to it. It's water under the bridge at this point learn from it and move on.
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (13 September 2007):
First of all just let me say that I think its terrible what you have been through. And that old guy took advantage of you! He shoudl not of done that.
Im no expert but as far as I know if you verbally say no to sex but the person still goes ahead with having sex, then its rape. But he did ask you and you said yes, so i duno if that counts or not. However, no matter what it be it is CLEAR this old pervert took advntage of you. He would of easily been able to tell u had been drinking a fair bit and that you were in no right frame of mind to make such a decision. The fact that you felt you were forced into agreeing to have sex could suggest that maybe it can be classified as rape. Im not sure really though. Look up some web sites about it. Or call a helpline for rape victims. They should be able to help you further. You should considr eting some counselling as this was probably a very traumatic expeirnece for u.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): Hi Love,
Your family had gone on vacation, He wanted to speak to your mum.. Did this man not no if he knows your mum that she had gone on vacation?
He held you by the head and asked if you wanted sex! I dont think this can be classed as rape love as you said yes... but you were scared, And no one should put you in this kind of position you had been drinking and were not in control or expecting to have to be love, I think you should phone a victims support helpline..
This guy sounds more than a bit perverted, He may have known you were home on your own, Taken advantage when he saw you drunk, something should be done.
Have you spoken to your mum? Can you? Phone that support line sweetheart and get some help.. TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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female
reader, lisa21  +, writes (13 September 2007):
in your question i did not see the word NO! which suggests he did not rape you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): That's not enough information, when you said yes for some ABSURED reason you said you had sex all night, did you enjoy it? were you telling him to stop and crying or anything dring this time? If not then no I wouldn't call it rape.Why say yes? now this pervey man might do it to another poor girl who isn't as willing as you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): Yes, it was rape if you didn't want it at the time. It is not rape if you regret it now.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): Yes, if he forced you against your will , then its rape.It will be difficult to prove after the fact, but you should tell someone as a person such as this is a predator who should be stopped.
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female
reader, jaimegirl2009 +, writes (13 September 2007):
i have a question if u do not mind? he asked u right if u wanted to have sex and even though u where drunk u actually consented to sex so ur answer as far as being raped is no u were not i am a rape victim and i didn't have a choice at the time to say yes or no so that is rape, so let me know if this satisfies ur answer
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