A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had been dating and working on a relationship with a childhood friend and he unexpectedly passed away. It has been three months and his best friend and I are now very close. I no that he has romantic feelings for me. I am attracted to him but I control that attraction because of who we lost. Do I cut the friendship off?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 October 2011):
 I think that right now you and him are both grieving, and that is what has brought you closer. If you start a relationship now before you have finished grieving and healed, the relationship will be a troubled one. You need to wait until the time is right and the sudden passing away of your boyfriend, and his friend, is not such a shock any longer. Wait until you have both adapted to living without him in your lives, only then can you see if you and him still have an attraction for each other. As for now it is too early to say of there is a real attraction here grounded in the personality of the two of you, or if it is an attraction grounded in you and him mourning the same loss.
Wait and see. Stay friends if you want to. But keep him at an arms distance. Discuss this with him. Wait at least 3-4 more months, if not 9 more months.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 October 2011):
 Take it slow - see how you feel when you aren't grieving. Having a friend go through grief is a bonus, I wouldn't cut him off, but.. I wouldn't lead him on either.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (17 October 2011):
 Hi,
I am sorry for your loss, and your pain. I lost my mother 9 years ago, and truly know how it feels to loose someone you love so deeply.
I know that it has been only 3 mos, so everything still very fresh. You need to keep as many friends, family around to help you go through this difficult time. Right now you feel in shocked, everything feels overwhelming, and I know you feel guilty all the time. I guess this is what you feel about his best friend?
You will go through stages, somedays will be better than others, somedays you will feel normal, somedays will be just too much to handle. You need to go through all the feelings you have inside. Feel sad, stress, angry, confused, let everything out. Do not pressure yourself, it takes time. Life is different now, you shouldn't feel guilt when you are happy. I am sure your boyfriend love you truly, and he wants you to be happy, continue life, be strong, have everything you want. When you feel happy, does not mean you forget about him, or that you are betraying his love, you will always remember him, love him, but now life is different, and you just need to learn how to live this new life.
Take a day at a time. What matters is that you will always honor him. Just know that you need to continue to live your life, live life the fullest. Please, continue being friend with his best friend. He was his best friend for a reason, and I am sure you both need each other.
Best wishes, I hope you have peace, happiness...
Good luck :)
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