A
male
age
30-35,
*3m0
writes:Hi please refer to me as N3m0. I need help in a couple of areas in my relationship. I have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years. I need help figuring out wether i love her as much as when i first started going out with her. I had a girlfriend when i met her and i dumped her for this one. The thing is that ive never really had long relationships this is my longest ever. I used to be a player and now after almost 2 years of being with her I feel that Im going back to my old ways. i cheated on her 2 already but i feel that i need her in my life. and no she didnt find out. i Know i feel bad for everything ive done. and she has never done anything wrong. I feel like i dont deserver her but i cant stand being away from her. i almost feel as if im used to her being there for me. she threatens to break up with me but she never does. I feel like we both are used to each other and are at our last nerve with each other. The thing is that we love each other but many of our own obsticles are in the way . theres alot more to mention but i want to start of with this. Please help me any advie is welcomed.
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male
reader, N3m0 +, writes (18 May 2012):
N3m0 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys so now im back, much of my situation changed..... we had about 4 years of being together and now i am so heart broken because i ended up breaking up with her for a few dayss only to persue the attention of other girls but i realized that i loved my gf so much and they were nothing compared to her love, i just had low self esteem and went after the attention of another girl... its been about 1 year 1/2 and now she told me she wants space and that maybe in a year or 2 years we can try it again but in the meantime just date others. We loved each other so much but maybe she needs to see that im a great guy for her i changed alot of my ways since then, the last stupid thing i did was to get attention from others girls like around october 2 years ago. and from there i did my best to just a great guy but since that break up, things werent as warm as they used to be. Now i have to man up and see if we are really meant to be then she will come looking for me. I know i want o marry her and shes told me that i would be a great guy to marry but for now she wants to enjoy a few years on her own and for me to date others and if we love each other even through new ppl then we will soon be together again. Maybe it was just the wrong time. I LOVE HER and would do anything for a second chance im very sad it had to come down to this. but karma did catch up to me.
A
male
reader, N3m0 +, writes (10 August 2010):
N3m0 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for everything guys. Talking to her probably wouldn't be the best ideas. Also as some of the answers said. My old ways arew coming back. Its like I don't intend on cheating on her but then there are moments where I'm a a friends house and it seems sop easy to do anything. If I do something stupid I feel bad and regret it but I don't learn my lesson. And I say to myself "I will stop" "I love my baby and she doesn't deserve this." Then I see her and I act like nothing and ill go like this for weeks or months and later I go somewhere as girls seem easy. Sorry no offense. But they do. . And I feel happy the next day knowing I didn't do anything bad. Also I noticed that in anyway I talk to any girl it ends up being a flirt. But when I'm with my gf I act like a completly different person.
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A
female
reader, diebler33  +, writes (5 August 2010):
 Ok, what the deal is you just feel guilty for cheating....its okay you made a mistake WE ALL DO IT, and no one can judge you for that. If you really love your girl sit her down and tell her whats been going on. Don't be nervous, don't hold back..if you were man enough to cheat on her and hurt her (even tho she didn't deserve it) ...be man enough to assume the consequence. Tell her you love her, tell her you NEED her help because your afraid of hurting her. If she loves you..there's nothing and i mean NOTHING that can get in the way of you two. Being a "player" isnt an illness..you can control it.. and next time you think your about to cheat..remember your girlfriends face and ask yourself if whatever you have in front of you is worth loosing that image of her for.
Hope i helped..let me know.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010): N3m0,
You are still very young so there might be a possiblity that you might change?? I don't know because, usually people are who they are by the time they reach at least 18 years old. You still have a lot of growing up and maturing to do and if you have a problem with cheating then you need not be in anytime type of relationship AT ALL. You don't have to date or be in a relationship to have sex...if that is all you want. But this is what I think it is...you want the companionship of a woman, but you don't want to be committed, you want a decent woman in your life, someone you can trust and run too, but you also want to run around and be with different women and still have the safety of knowing there is a trustworthy woman waiting at home for you. That is such a selfish way to think.
If you want to be a "player" then be one, but without a committed relationship. Don't get these poor women all wrapped up into you on an emotional level to the point where they find it difficult to leave you even after they have discovered that you have cheated on them. You know yourself better than anyone else...it's not up to the woman to spend her all her time trying to figure out who and what you are and if you are serious about her or not. You knew when you got involved with her that you weren't ready for a committed relationship-that you weren't ready for a relationship where there would be no cheating, no lies, no disrespect of any kind yet you carried this relationship on for two years and so naturally the woman is too weak emotionally to leave you b/c she is attached to you whether it's emotionally, sexually, physcially or mentally...she finds it hard to work up the strength to leave you for good.
Let me tell you another thing young man....you may like this whole player routine, but one day karma is going to bit you in the butt hole ten times as hard. You may end up falling for a woman you never thought you would and she just may end up breaking your heart and then you will see how it feels to have the "shoe on the other foot." DON'T PLAY AROUND WITH PPL'S EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS. You have no idea how much mental strength it takes to get over someone that you love deeply. You may be young, but you no better...you know what you are doing is wrong, but you DON'T CARE. You don't empathy for the women you use, abuse and hurt emotionally and mentally. All you care about is upholding this "player" status. But your day is coming young man...just watch and see. The next question you might be asking on this blog is how to you get over a broken heart!!
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A
male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (5 August 2010):
 hi N3m0, the thing is 2 years really isnt that long in terms of a relationship. Your probably feeling crap on cheating on her because you really do love this one.
Try a role reversal here, really think how you would feel if your girlfriend cheated on you?
A long term relationship takes work on both sides and theres no instruction manual to go with it. One thing I have learnt though is that respect and trust do go a long way in any relationship.
The problem is by cheating on her if your having sex with other women is you run a high risk of getting an STD which you could pass on to your girlfriend then you would have trouble explaing it.
If your not sure after 2 years if you love your girlfriend then maybe you should move on, but only you can answer that.
Maybe your just feeling guilty for cheating, you could try telling her but thats problbly not a good idea as she may leave you. If your genuine sorry and really love your girlfriend then put it in the past and focus on your relationship now and dont cheat again.
I was a player until I reached age 30 then I just had the urge to settle down, since then my relationships have lasted longer but even then you still have to work hard at it.
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A
female
reader, rytntyt +, writes (5 August 2010):
Although you don't mention your ages, it appears to me that you most likely fairly young. And yes it does matter cuz, if you in fact pretty young, then I would say; look you 2 have been together for two years, been there for one another, like/love one another. If your feeling that your old habbits are starting to come into play than maybe your thinking that you have missed out on something, that there is so much out there that that haven't experienced. And although you love your girl and there is nothing that she has done to bring this on, you still are suseptible to the wandering eye, the taking and giving of phone numbers and hooking up with chicks out of curiosity or/and something different.
If your older, lets day in your late 20's on up, than I would say GROW THE F&@% up!!! It is very difficult to find someone in this day and age that will put up with you ass. Not to mention the fact that your thinking about ducking and dodging. What gives you that right to play a person like like, who is your friend and does care about you.
At any rate, this is something that you really need to think about before you talk to her about it, maybe you already have. But just know, that if you plan on speaking to her about this before you have come to some time of concrete mind storming, you cannot un-ring a bell, and if you decide after you have drop the bomb that you want to still be with her, she will always have this bullshit floating around in her head. Not to mention she will no longer trust you the way that she did, she will no longer hold in that special place that she does. So, think long and true before you go and take the feelings that someone has for you...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010): No one on here can say for certain whether you love her less now than you did before, as we can't experience your emotions for you. However, we CAN tell you that if you can cheat on your girlfriend multiple times (i.e. not learning your lesson the first time), you can't be feeling too badly about it, nor can you care about her very much. People who are actually happy in loving, caring relationships do not cheat on each other. That said, it doesn't sound like you love her at all.
If you're on your last nerve with her, and she with you, it might be best to give it up now. Let her go and find a man who won't cheat on her; you said it: she deserves better.
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