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female
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anonymous
writes: I have lost the love of my life. Six months ago I finished with my lover after 6 years because I was married. I didn't contact him for 2 months then decided after all this time I couldnt live without him.I contacted him and he said he wanted to be friends. That's what we were: we went out for dinner, drinks and everything remained platonic.In the meantime, I was making plans to leave my husband and win him back as a free woman. When I told him I was leaving, he admitted he had been seeing someone since shortly after I finished it.I'm gutted, he is the love of my life. I'm so depressed I dont know what to do. I haven't told him I want him back but I know he knows. He is happy for us to stay friends and calls me a couple of days a week for a chat. Do you think after 4 months apart there is a chance for us?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): Hi I read your story and I can totally relate to how your feeling. I'm divorced and its obvious you no longer love your husband and thats why you had an affair but my advice to you would be to leave your husband if theres nothing there, life is way too short to waste your life and his on something thats dead. As for the lover/boyfriend you had the affair with, I wouldnt spend any more time hoping, pining that things will be the way you want it. Your kidding yourself on and always maintain your self-respect with any guy, they actually admire that and if any guy loves you from the heart and you back off, he'll come looking for you because if he doesnt hes not worth it. I know its hard but you have to be strong, if he can do it then so can you. I know you love him but your in such a tangled web right now and you really need to clear your head and perhaps be on your own for a bit but just rememeber if his feelings are genuine for you, he'll want you to be with him no matter what.
Good luck and keep your dignity x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2007): get over it love you need to open your eyes wide and smell the coffee i have afriend that ended up in mental hospital because of relationships you need to sort things out with you husband if you still love him peolpe always chase somthing they cant have by the time you know it you will be 90 and then what have you got nothing please dont be foolish tell hi goodbye and tell him you dont want to see him any more if he truley loves you he would tell you he is just stringing you along for when he hasnt got any one to go out with im sorry to e upfront but when people do this and have affairs it gets to me bad why did you marry your husband in the first place because you loved him and you wanted to spend the rest of your lives togethr and if you have probs talk to him tell him to put the cards on the tablr be honest with each other i think your more after lust its more like a fantasy world think logical dear dont make the mistake a lot of people do at the moment my hubby to be is talking to an old friend that he hasnt told me about ive heard of her but never met her my pain is there its the unknown and im so bitter why cant this world be genuine and have trustworthy people like my self in it . it wouldnt be so compicated it would be bliss dont get me wrong dear my hubby loves me but i cant exept the fact that he talks to her behind my back i guess he knows i get upset so he decided not to tell me you just cant do that
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2005): If friendship is all he can offer you at this time..then please accept it, graciously and move forward with your life. If by chance the relationship he's in, doesn't work out-then you to may have a chance at renewing your relationship with him. But don't sit around pining away for him and waiting for him. And don't interfere with what he has right now with this other lady. He could really care for her and any interference may make him very angry with you and then you risk losing him as a friend. The classiest thing you can do right now...is step aside and respect what he has with her & let him live his life. If this guy really has no desire to continue a romantic relationship with you, the best advice I could give you is to move on...if you hang on, it would just cause further pain for you. Take time to do things that you like to ...hobbies, interests, makng new friends, etc. Go make a fresh start for yourself. Be happy and live life to the fullest.
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A
female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (3 August 2005):
Wow, how things have moved on at such a fast pace! So you've been seeing this man for 6 years whilst you were married, then you've broken up and within 2 months he has found someone else? Obviously you cannot expect another person to wait for you indefinitely, but given the length of the relationship he has moved on fairly swiftly.
It may simply be that he has been dating this other woman on the rebound. However, warning bells should be ringing- as soon as you tell him that you are planning to leave your husband, he reveals that he is dating someone else. This suggests to me that he doesn't want to be responsible or blamed for the break up of your marriage. He is stating very plainly, that you should not leave your husband to be with him.
He is obviously concerned for you as a friend (you have a long history together), and possibly feels guilty that you are hurting more than he is after the break up of the relationship.
I think that first and foremost, you need to make a decision concerning the state of your marriage. You do not mention your husband- where is he in all this? Does he have any comprehension of your feelings or the state that the marriage is in? Is there any chance that it can be salvaged? You could consider attending counselling, either with your husband or alone. That way you can explore the options you now have in your life.
Please do not make any rash decisions. A marriage break up is a huge emotional upheaval for all parties involved, especially if there are any children involved. You would be making a huge mistake if you destroyed your marriage on a whim for a man who does not seem committed to having a relationship with you.
Take some time out, talk to your husband (he will surely have noticed that something is amiss with you over this length of time!). Your relationship with this other man is symptomatic of problems within your marriage.
I wish you all the best
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