A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it fate? I need advice on what to do next and how?Here is the story: I've been sort of seeing this guy, let call him " Jim" but nothing serious. We spent new year's eve together, and we accidentally ran into each other at a bar on new year's day because we have mutual friends. While at the bar; I did not how to act since we had spent the night before together. We are not actually together and everything is under the radar; so I was trying to play it cool with Jim. However; there were this guy, dressed up as a pirate who was hitting at me at the bar the whole time. The guy, who was dressed at the pirate, asked me if I was alone and single; I said yes to both of his questions and I walked away; however he kept on eyeballing me the whole time. I was trying to avoid the Pirate guy since Jim was at the bar and I did not want to disrespect him by flirting with another guy right in front of him. Still at the bar and the day goes on and Jim brings up a cute girl with him; which I was okay, and I didn't really care. However, towards the end of the night the Pirate guy tried to once again reached out to me and get my phone number. It was really crowded, and Jim happens to be in the middle between the pirate and myself, then the pirate guy tells Jim " I am just trying to get her phone number".... But it was really loud and I didn't know how to react since Jim and I sort of spent the night before, so I ignored the pirate and pretended I couldn't hear him. I really liked this pirate guy and I wanted to give him my phone number but I felt kind of weird since Jim was in the middle "literally" in the middle between the pirate and I. Once again, I ignore the pirate.Short story, I am on Match.com as well, and I go home and I check my searches, and I find the mystery Pirate guy. He happens to be on Math.com and he recently divorced . Isn't it weird? How odd is that? I was just going though my searches and he had just posted a picture of New year's day dressed as a pirate, and it's him.... How should I approached this situation? I normally don't approach guy, not to mention, I don't initiate conversations. I let the guy come up to me. But since we have already sort of met at the bar; should I approached him online? What do I say? or Should I wait and see if he is interested in my profile? We met at a bar and we were drinking, it might be the alcohol talking.....Advice please.....I really like this pirate guy....but I want to be caution about it....
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (4 January 2014):
 I think your below the radar relationship with Jim is getting in the way of you being a real relationship. It's preventing you meeting other guys; at least it did on this occasion, meanwhile Jim didn't mind flaunting the cute girl in front of you. Maybe you should ditch Jim so that when someone you like asks you if you're single, you can give a completely honest reply. I'm pretty sure Pirate guy picked up on some vibes coming from Jim.
That aside, I see no reason why you shouldn't approach the pirate guy online. My only word of caution about that would be about dating a newly divorced guy because often (I'm generalising of course) they are just after a bit of fun rather than a relationship. Unless you're fine with another casual relationship/ dating, but I'm not sure that's the case since you say you really like him.
Anyway good luck. No harm approaching guys in my opinion, especially ones on dating sites.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2014): Ok, I know this isn't part of your question, but I'm kind of curious about your relationship with "Jim." What is his relationship with this cute girl? It certainly sounds like it wasn't completely platonic, and given the way you described your relationship with him, it's obviously ok for you to do stuff with other people. But the fact that the pirate had to say "I am just trying to get her phone number" to him makes it sound like he said something to the pirate, which is odd if you're allowed to see other people, especially if he had a girl at the bar with him. Again, not really relevant to your real question, but I think it should be fine for you to flirt with other guys or give them your phone number when Jim's around if he's bringing girls to the bar.Now for your real question! I think a quick note mentioning the irony of finding him online might be appropriate. "Fancy seeing you were" or "So that's what you look like without your pirate costume..." like the other answers said, or "What a small world" or something along those lines. Hopefully he'll recognize you and initiate a conversation from there. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 January 2014):
 I don't think it's fate. It just meant he didn't get lucky that night and is trying another venue. Jim had another girl, so it would be tacky to act territorial over there. If I were you I would just message the pirate, and say I am interested in what he looks like without any costume. As a person who's not looking for anything serious you are asking a lot of questions.
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