A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,This girl I have talked to only briefly about the class and lab we have both. I have to say we did talk only a bit few times. I think were like almost strangers to each other still. It was the last day and I wanted to hang out with her more outside.I don't know, I feel like she showed some signs of interest towards me. So I kept approaching her. From there I got attracted towards her, I don't know why. I stopped approaching her because I got self conscious of myself, considering I was already attracted to her. Come last day, I didn't want to make it weird even though I feel like I already did so I talked to her at the end of the last day of class. I then asked her if she wanted to get coffee sometime. She responded she was dating someone.I'm not really good with relationships, well I have never had one. All my intentions was to befriend her. I had the idea of treating her as how I would treat any of my friends. I'm not like awkward with girls, just with girls I am attracted to I guess. I guess asking someone out for a coffee is not how you treat friends lol.Now I really regret asking her to hang out that way. Were my intentions already to start a relationship with her if I just wanted to be friends at first, I don't even know if she'd be a suitable girlfriend? :D Am I thinking wrong like an asshole here? I wanna know if there's no avoiding the "date" scene by asking someone like that, so that the next time I find someone attractive, I avoid this mistake and making it awkward now. Please someone help me.After she said she was dating someone, she said we should go to one of those study sessions together, or maybe we can go if I wanted to. So I responded yes, because I really wanted a study session with other people for the class. I need help for that class badly lol so I'll take any. Plus, I'm willing to help her in any way as well. Anyway, I do think about what if she's not "really" dating someone, to just keep me at bay maybe? lol I don't even know if that's a thing. But in the end, I understand if she said she's dating someone, then I will respect that. So we go on by school stuff only.I feel like there is that "stigma" now that I have formed. I really wish I didn't give her that message. As now I have her number, we text about the upcoming exam or for review. But it still remains that I asked her out, unintentionally I feel like, but I'm probably wrong.I just want to add, when she responded by saying she was dating someone, I didn't know how to respond back. I think I kinda made things even more awkward by responding, "you know, I don't even know if I wanted you to be my girlfriend.", and then I said I was joking. Lol, I'm really bad at this haha. Anyway, I was expecting a yes or no. I asked under the impression it wasn't going to be a date. Now I know I'm wrong.I really just wanted to be friends. But I guess being attracted to her doesn't help. I'm blaming my lack of experience and I think because I've never had a girlfriend, I feel like I am excited to be in one, so I'm blaming myself for being attracted to her in the first place.From here, I don't know how you can be friends with someone like that being in my situation, furthermore. I'm just thinking now, we'll probably just hang out by these study sessions and that's it. I don't know how this friendship can progress for her, her knowing I asked her out. :/ Am I wrong, and what should I do?Please help me, thank you!I don't really know how to summarize my story, but please read it and give me some advice. I guess I came here to get some advice how to avoid this situation, or in the chance that I think of, us continuing a friendship more, somehow, if that is even possible?Edit: btw, I'm not like hoping that there is a chance with her. I'm not like madly and foolishly in love with her. I know the boundaries, and I'm not gonna make myself be taken advantage of if we continue seeing each other. I will treat her as how I treat other friends and that's it. Even then, like I said I don't know how she'd be okay doing that, and I actually don't know neither if that is okay with me. Okay, meaning not all awkward and etc., is that even possible?EDIT2: Also is there anyway to correct this? :s I'm thinking no but just wanted some reassurance haha.Thank you!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey,I know, I do over-think things BIG time, I've been told this many times, and I don't know why, how, etc. and I don't know if I should change it, or how to change it. Little in me, believes that being like this brings some good, not all bad at all, but I can't see that good that it might be bringing or may have brought already. I think it's because I'm a very stubborn person, so I don't know if I really believe that being like this is absolutely wrong. This is why I have not changed this.I am not a serious student. I should be :s. I'm actually supposed to be studying right now for my finals, but I am being stupid and lazy. I don't have a lot of friends right now. I did, but ever since moving to a new country, it's been hard. I do get along with lots of people. For me, it is easy to befriend anyone, except with girls I am attracted to I guess, but at least only at first. I can talk to anyone, but I'm also shy sometimes.I feel like people find me intimidating, and I don't like that! If they'd only get to know me, they would know I am nothing right now LOL. Call me a coward sure, I'm probably just gonna acknowledge it. I'm not totally confident! So it's hard for me sometimes, because it mostly ends up with me being the one who should be the one taking over, I feel like. Sure, we all want perfect relationships. I am blinded by it most of the time, so you are right. You're not the only one who says nothing is perfect. It sucks for me being rejected, and it sucks! Any type of rejection makes me feel down, little to lots. I don't know why.But you're saying all this like I should change? I believe I'm like this for a reason. I don't completely know that reason. I think about change all the time and hate myself sometimes for being who I am, but when I'm outside and living, all of that is forgotten. And I just carry on life being myself.Now you probably gonna say I over thought things again. Well, I don't know what to say.Also, I said what I said because my intentions were not to date her. I just thought grabbing a cup of coffee would be nice to have a friendly hang out. I guess being attracted to her made me do it without even really getting to know her first, so maybe that's why it was obvious that I had intentions. On another note, it's not weird to ask you friends to get coffee together right? I guess in my case, we were not really friends yet.I hope I didn't sound like a dick when I said that now that you mentioned it that way. I hope she doesn't think that, because I'm not bashing her boyfriend or anything at all. I mean I didn't think of being happy for her at the moment, probably because I don't really know her that much, so I didn't really care for her? But now that you say it, I am happy for her. It's always nice to see couples in a good relationship.Right now, we saw each other for a study session thing for the final. It wasn't weird, I just carried on acting normal. I just am not a fan of the thought that I have already "broken the ice" without even befriending her. I'm really clueless, but now I learn. We will be seeing each other again. I just don't understand how she is wanting to still go to these sessions with me, knowing that I am attracted to her. And I don't know if I should be guilty or not when I'm with her. I really wanna bring this up to her sometime, because I feel like after this study sessions, we won't be hanging out anymore. But at the same time I don't want to, because I'm afraid I'm just gonna ruin again, the beginning of a friendship.Anyway, thanks for your advice! I hope more people can say at least a little something about this. I write too much, probably because I think too much. Sorry for making you suffer, if you decide to read this lol.
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