A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:well.. i cant believe after nearly 2 years (1.8) my gf and I have broken up :(two weeks ago now. at first i asked her to leave my flat, and said we would talk in a month. (there were a series of things that led me to that point - at the 6month point - a guy tried to steal her away- she came to me and told me (GREAT!)- she then lied about not being in touch with him (why?- she then messaged him 'in another life..'at 1 year mark - she went back to that place where he was working (she left shortly after the above) - ''strong'' and with my 'trust''.. to not speak to the guy or blow it - she didnt talk to him for long/etc (great!) and then went out drinking with her sisters friends and next day, i saw a Hickey on her neck ???she told me a guy friend of her sisters was 'goofing' around and no kissing was done, it wasnt like a hook up(okkkkkkkkkkkk. really? ok.ok.) (sister 'verified' (covered?) ...trust!at the 1 year and 5months mark - she 're-added' this clown on facebook (why??) without talking about it first (uhhhh)at 1 year 7 months - she messaged an 'exe' ..at 3am 'i missyou' huh??at 1 year 8months - she was at a party and i came later and found her with the guy from the hickey issue, sitting on her lap ...? (innocent. just horsing around. he was also on the sisters lap -shes in a solid 6 yr relationship)my issue:her insecurity with being CLEAR with other men.. triggers an insecurity in me, where i 'expect' her to be... CLEAR WITH OTHER MEN.in and of themselves they are non-events.but it just seemed untennable to allow that to keep getting (worse?)so, i asked her to leave. she then pulled right back and we wrote some amazing letters to show we both wanted to make it work and still loved eachother however when i sent mine after a week, she only said 'i dont want you to get your hopes up' (???)so i pulled back further, stopping contact for 2 days(now its been like 10 days apart)on the friday last week, i sent her a message to say, it was a good decision to calm down , cool down, re-calibrate etc -and she broke up with me pretty much on the spot - very angry i had 'dissapeared' for a day and half!! (lets forget the fact we sort of fought by txt the morning before i did that and she said no txts for a while!).....since then, ive pulled back, no initiating contact.3 days after she broke up with me, came back by txt and was sweet, and I was careful to not say anything apart from calm, cool and happy (I was hosting a guys night), and no neediness etcthe last txt i didnt get to (drank to much) - it happened to be the day of our anniversary (1 year 9 months) - so the next day she said i hurt her again by 'ignoring that' .. she also was jealous of my new happiness (which she wanted!!/ie balanced lifestyle) and then asked if i had slept with other women!?)- i was careful to not ask the same question in return, when i said, of course not. im YOURS.i then was trapped and attacked for being uncaring, so of course i had to step in and say i cared a great deal and wanted to be with her still -causing her to push away again 'im confused'i have left her alone 3 more daysim not chasing. not needy. not bothering her. just having fun. giving her space. letting her think about what she 'WANTS' (if she knew what she wanted we would never had had this issue is my personal feeling)am i doing the right thing to win her back?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2011): trust issue are there , i would be setting some ground rules and talk over things to see where your relationship is heading , and about other guys that she knows . i would not be happy with the flirting or what have that she is doing with the one guy. i would want to have an idea where i stood with her. you need to set down and talk things out.
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