A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i made the mistake of having sex with a guy whom i have gone out with just on 3 dates. i really hate myself and i cant sleep coz i am so depressed. i think that we could have a real nice proper r'ship that work out until i messed it up by going to bed with him. i was quite high on alcohol and cant think straight. now i feel that all hope is gone coz he will not take me seriously anymore. i feel dirty, stupid and cheap.is a loving r'ship still possible between us, the kind that will last?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): I understand how you feel, but keep this in mind: if he disrespects you for this you have full right to think the same about him becouse he did it too! So start acting like that! Meet him and try to establish communication and don't sleep with him again unless you feel storng emotional connection and are sobber
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): Okay so it is not ideal and sometimes for the men that have got what they wanted it can end but on most parts im sure it will be fine. I slept with my guy 2 dates in and felt the same. It has been 4 years, we have a house, 2 children and are planning on marrying next year.
Hope all goes well for you x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): Don't be so hard on yourself. I don't think that you did anything that bad. I got divorced when I was 33 years old. About 6 months after my separation, I finally got enough courage to ask a woman for a date. We had a great first date and we went to bed on the second date. I didn't think that it was proper to try on the first date. I later discovered that she wanted to go to bed with me on the first date. There was no alcohol involved. I guess I took her seriously. We've been together for over 28 years and she has been my wife for 22 years.
In your case, a loving relationship is definitely still possible. Just allow it to continue and hopefully grow. As Phil said, watch the alcohol, so that the next time you have sex will be when you really want it. Just because you want sex doesn't mean you are cheap. There is nothing dirty about sex. It is part of a good relationship. Just make sure you do it only when you both want it. You are not dirty and cheap.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): Well, 3 dates isn't as bad as a one night stand, and some might say you exercised a fair amount of restraint waiting so long!
Only time will tell if any relationship will last the course, whether it started off as a drunken fumble or a romantic first date is of little consequence.
You may think you've messed up, but don't be so harsh on yourself and put it down to experience. You know in your own mind where you went wrong, so you obviously know what to do so that it doesn't happen like that again. Booze is a wonderful inhibition remover, so don't overdo it in future!
Phil
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A
female
reader, hit-the-road,jack...  +, writes (22 October 2007):
YES.
definately.
i sleep with my boyfriend three days after i started going out with him, and we're still together 3 months later. just make sure the other things in the relationship are good too, like you communicate and make each other laugh. if you still get on as well as you did before you had sex, theres hope for the relationship.
make sure you get some sleep, cos being tired makes everything look loads worse.
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