A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've just recently split up with my boyfriend of 6 years and i'm comeing up to my eighth month in pregnancy. We spoke on the phone last night and both decided that we would like to get back together at some point,(when he has sorted himself out and both feel ready and comtable to be together again).I have a shourt amount of time to try and find a home for me and the baby so I have no idea as to what area they will rehome us. I am hopeing that they will locate me close enought to the babys farther so he can see his child as much as possible.The question is, how long do I wait until after she is born for him to take are baby off on his own?She's both are baby so he has just as much right to see his daughter as I do.I don't know how many days a week he should look after the baby.I'm also worried wether she will wonder were I am when I'm in my own home and he's looking after her.I wouldn't like her to be tacken away from me within the first month of her birth but as I said shes not just my baby. I just want whats best for her.Any help would be much apreciated thanks.
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female
reader, Reyna  +, writes (26 September 2009):
 You should make your ex visit your daughter instead of taking her to his house for two reasons:1. The first month of a baby is very delicate because they are trying to get used to a new home outside the belly, and 2. You'll be closer to see how he acts with her. Observe if he has a hard time changing diapers or feeding her, if he gets frustrated at her easily when she cries, if she does everything to make her safe, and so on, and if you see something that is not right or you dont feel comfortable with, let him know so he doesnt do it again. After a while of this visits im pretty sure he will be ready to take care of her by himself.
It is different for a guy to have a baby becuase they feel more scared than us women to take care of something so delicate, but once they learn the proper way of doing it, they do just fine, as long as he wants to be a good father.
Take care and congratulations on your baby, i hope you resolv your situation...
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (26 September 2009):
 long!
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (26 September 2009):
ps I meant 'babies shouldn't be away from their mother for a long time when they are so YOUNG' (NOT
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (26 September 2009):
Ok, I think that you're trying your best to be fair and decent, and to do right by your baby and her father - which is very good of you, and the proper way to behave. Hold on to this.
BUT. You haven't had a baby yet, so it's all a new experience for you. In terms of parenting, yes, a baby has two parents, but although they share things like loving the baby, they have different roles. In the first 12 - 18 months of your baby's life, and especially in the first few months, the baby's mother is the most important parent. I'm not saying the father isn't - he comes a very very close second - but the baby is physiologically wired to be dependent on the mother, and to need her first above all others. The main reason for this is v sensible: in the wild, without a mother the baby would die. Without a father she could survive.
So, I suggest you don't make any firm plans about childcare or arrangements or ANYTHING, until you have the baby. And then I think your baby's father should see the baby in your home. And I think that if he ever does take her off, it can't be for more than half an hour or so, for a walk in the pram. Babies shouldn't be without their mother when they are so long. I don't know if you're going to breastfeed her (that's another thing - very very important - you should have a go at that - it will be such a joy for you and the baby, and make the two of you bond so differently to if you bottlefeed) (it's also a hell of a lot cheaper and easier!!!!!!!!) - if you breastfeed, he can't go for longer than that, because she might want a feed, or just to be near your skin, the sound of your voice, your presence. You will be the No.1 reassuring person for your baby. Daddy needs to be there as well, and to become another source of love and closeness, but she will miss you if away from you, and it not only isn't fair to do that to her, but damaging for her.
I think that if there is a chance of you two getting back together, so long as all is OK between you, that would be the best thing. Don't think of the baby as something that can be passed around between the two of you, because at this young age, she simply can't.
Right now you need to find somewhere safe and supportive to bring your baby home to. Can he help you, or your family?
Let me know if I can give any other help or advice. : )
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): If you want what's best for the baby, you leave her *only* with people who have proven they both know how to care for an infant and have the temperament for it. That a man can make a baby says nothing about his ability to care for one.
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