A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have a very close friend (a girl) who I have known for almost 6 years now. During the time that I have known her I watched her grow and mature into the young adult she is now. I find her to be attractive and I am especially attracted to her body. Even so I can never imagine myself in a serious relationship with her because we disagree on so many things. Recently we had a party at her house and hung out with friends. We were all drinking and I never let myself get extremely drunk because I like to stay conscious so I dont do or say anything I shouldn't. Long story short I got very drunk and ended up staying the night. When it was just the two of us left I can remember that she was sobering up already. Long story short I told her that I found her sexy and wanted to f^^^her basically. I told her that I dont want a serious relationship but more of a friend's with benefits mainly for sex and that I am up for it whenever she is. I dont know why I said it but I was drunk and couldnt control myself, but it is all true and I do feel that way. Problem is its something that shouldnt have been said because we are good friends and I feel as though I offended her. It sucks because I remember it clearly even though I was drunk. Afterwards we went to sleep and just carried on with our lives, but it is very different now. We cant joke around and have fun anymore. She seems to avoid me often when our group of friends do hang out. I feel like she is trying to cut me off. I just want to return to being friends the way we were. It was something I said when I was drunk and I couldnt help it. Is there anyway to make things better. I have already apologized and she doesnt even seem to care that I said it, but she acts differently now. What can I do?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 October 2015):
 She sees you in a different light now. Someone she trusted and cared for as a friend, sees her as a piece of ass - someone he'd like to have sex with, but NOT be with.
Yeah, it's not really that strange that she is pulling away.
You stepped on your dick. Being drunk is a poor excuse. YES, the alcohol sometimes loosen the tongue, and it sometimes make people OBLIVIOUS to how others react to what their say.
You SURELY thought it was a kind of compliment to her, but she took it as being offensive. And in truth.. it was.
I agree 100% with Janniepeg's statement:
"After all she matured into a woman in 6 years, and all she's good for now is a fuck?"
Not much you can do. It's something that can't be unsaid, unheard.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 October 2015):
 It's not as casual as you think, like you are pulling out of a business deal, then it's all cool. Women feel cheapened when they are seen as sex objects. You could try to take back what you said, but the friendship has changed. Whenever she sees you again it will forever remind her that you want to fuck her. She doesn't want to continue a friendship based on this new information. After all she matured into a woman in 6 years, and all she's good for now is a fuck? I get the image of some elks in Alberta when we went on a trip with my ex. You know what my ex said when he made a story about the elk herd? He's imagining the alpha elk saying to the young doe, "you are still young, but wait a few more years and I am going to bust that ass."
It kind of has this similarity that the only value she has to you after all these years is a good fuck. She may not even want a serious relationship with you but she's taking it personally. Men and women don't think the same when it comes to casual sex.
It's time to get a girlfriend whom you'd like body, mind and soul. Friend with benefits are like renting a body until you find someone you can afford your own. Maybe she's old enough to realize men and women can't be friends. to make it clear as to why she's distancing. Imagine a husband, drunk, saying he wants to cheat with a hottie in a bar. After he's sober he apologized to his wife he's puzzled why his wife hasn't forgiven him. After all, it was a mistake, he promised he wouldn't do it in real life, then all is cool, right? It was the alcohol's fault that he said this. Wrong. What's clear is that he has the desire and intention and it all removed the sacredness of the union, the marriage. You have to accept the boundaries of a relationship and know that even an honest intention can derail the nature of relationship, or friendship.
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A
female
reader, Questing for Love +, writes (4 October 2015):
 Well like you said, it doesn't matter that you were drunk, what you said was still true. If someone told me that, I would back away as well as I would never be truly comfortable around the person again. It's not reassuring knowing that someone you're close to is most likely only thinking about your body when you're around them. And although you may not think like this, a lot of sexual assaults happen by people who are close to their victims rather than by complete strangers, so she doesn't know how safe she is around you anymore. Like I said, you're probably not someone with ill intentions like that, but that could be going through her mind.
I think you have to accept that things just won't return to being the same, you sort of crossed a line, albeit unintentionally.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2015): You may have been just friends and she may have liked you as a brother or even noticed that you had grown into an attractive man.However your drunk offer was nothing to be proud of.It was not chivalrous.It was not charming .It was just a grredy offer made after a greedy nights drinking and she is now seeing you in a predatory light.You had better let the dust settle.Your less than charming offer has less than charmed her.However due to your long standing friendship she has not cut you off entirely.You are still part of the group.Good behaviour would go a long way towards making life more comfortable for you all and it would be discreete if you could take your eyes off her breasts and stop wondering how to undo her bra strap and get into her panties.
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