A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What should I do? I have been together with my boyfriend for a year and 7 months. We have our ups and downs and he is my first serious boyfriend. He is the only person I have ever loved and I can't imagine being with anyone else. The main problem I have is that we smoke grass occasionally. Usually it's not a problem and it's only once in a while, but it seems to have become more frequent and recently i have started to become depressed and cry a lot for no reason. I think that with these symptoms i would be stupid to continue, but i mainly fear losing him. He is also studying to be an accountant and has just failed his last exam which he is rewriting in 3 weeks time. I have expressed my thoughts on smoking saying that he is stupid to mess up his chances of doing well in his exam. And he just thinks that I am trying to change him. I am scared that if i stop and pressure him to cut down / whatever I will lose him. Am I really trying to change him? or am I just trying to help him because i would hate to see him jeopardise his career... Is it unfair on him that i am changing and can't expect him to change as well? Please i need some advice i don't want to lose him
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female
reader, amethystsouls  +, writes (13 September 2007):
 Hi there,
Glad you’re giving up the weed!! Some people are fine on it and can live perfectly normal lives. I know people who get up have a joint, go to work etc. But it is clear that you are not one of those people. Soon as you stop smoking it you will feel so much better.
If he wants do smoke it than that is his choice, you know yourself you cannot change someone. I will warn you thought that if he is doing it still then there is a chance for temptation... your be like I will just have one pull, that it is... But DON'T. Once you have had the negative effects of weed, it will always bring it out when you smoke... So just be aware of what your emotions were like when you had been smoking it. I know it's hard, as you also remember how good it is and how you both seem so close when you’re a little stoned... Don't give into the temptation Hun remember how it makes you feel..
Good Luck
xxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have just spoken to him and layed it out... He was very defensive but said that he realises that i am not happy and wants me to stop. He says that he will not do it when i am around and even in front of his friends. He doesn't want to stop completely I said that i wouldn't complain as long as he is responsible and puts his studies first. He thinks that it is fair enough and that it won't change how he feels about me. So i guess the best thing i can do is concentrate on getting myself back to happy and normal and see if this works out... ?
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (13 September 2007):
You have every right to want to be in a relationship free of drugs!!! Hes trying to use the excuse that 'you should love me for who i am and not try to make me change' but thats just lame. Drugs arent WHO HE IS...so you arent changing him really. If he feels that drugs are part of what makes him him, and so therefor by him quiting it would be changing who he is then it sounds to me he has a bad addiction if drugs have become so important to him.
You are being ratioanl and he is not. You are able to see the bad effect that drugs are having on your life, his and the relationship between the two of you. If he does truly have an addiction then it may not be as simple for him to 'just give up'. He may need some professional help. Like talking to a counsellor or going to a support group. But often someone who is in denial of the problems drugs cause is a sign they are addicted and dont want to face the reality.
I think you need to try to re explain to him the importance that he gives up drugs. If he refuses to seek help them you should consider whether or not you really want to stay with someone who is doing drugs? I know you said you cant imagine yourself with anyone else, but you could be if you wanted ot be! There would be plenty of more great guys out there just like your current bf, who are drug free!
You deserve a relationship where you are 100% happy and you arent geting that at the moment.
Your bf is a fool if he cant understand that you are trying to help him and do whats best for both of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): Hi Love,
What you may be feeling could lead to cannabis psychosis This can come on at anytime some people can do it with no problems ever. Others have major problems sweety.. Concentrate on yourself at this moment.. You are conserned for your b/f because of the way you are feeling, but you cant change him but you can change you love, These crying fits and depression is def due to the weed your mind is confused, Get some help and advise for you and when you start to feel better your confidence will return, Its good that you noticed the signs now, GET SOME HELP! Its no good trying to convince your b/f to stop or slow down he wont listen as its not affecting him the same or he thinks its not, Plus if you tell someone not to do something the odds are they will do it more. It will slow you down at getting yourself well It can in some cases affect your thought pattern and your perception. So hunny just look after you at this moment in time TAKE CARE OF YOU IF YOU NEED A CHAT MESS ME ANYTIME LOTS OF LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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