A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I want to try friends with benefits. Any women on here have experiences with sleeping with multiple guys at the same time? Most of the stories I've heard usually only have the male fwb sleeping with multiple girls. So I figure if it's inevitable he'll sleep with multiple girls, then I should sleep with multiple guys so I don't get jealous...and I really want to anyway, if I'm being totally honest.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2016): I suggest you read about "retroactive jealousy" before you go down this road. Having a past of casual uncommitted sex is a real turnoff for many guys. Particularly the non-promiscuous guys who are willing to commit to a relationship and are good BF material.
I understand that you are not looking for commitment and BF now. But someday in the future you might be. Its your life, your decision, but you would be wise to make a well-informed decision.
Also, I agree with the previous comment that faithful guys do exist. LOTS OF THEM even at young ages. If you only find the other type then you are seeking those guys out, intentionally or not.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@janniepeg thanks for your answer! I wouldn't have thought of the risks with desperate guys.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 April 2016):
 When I hear multiple I think 5 or 6. Just do 2 if that's easier to handle. I did experiment before. At first it was exciting to see how many messages you get, much more than if you want to find guys looking for a relationship. Then it gets tiring to have to turn them down. There were a few that I didn't want to see ever again after the first time. They got butt hurt and were insistent. They would try anything like pretending to fall in love with you, they would do anything, like fine dining and dating. Don't believe them and don't feel sorry. Just be ruthless and stop picking up the phone.
I guess my experience would be different due to age. I was around 30 and the guys I was with were older, quite a few even lied about their ages. Like they are never older than 39. Older guys get more desperate but I guess guys in your age group feel they have endless choices. I am just not into younger guys. It would make me feel like I am their teacher.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 April 2016):
 I read just now one of your updates and I have a comment about the fact that FWB would give you sexual freedom because you would never have to worry about your partner's sexual needs:
no, you would have to, if you want an FWB, i.e. somebody who keeps coming back and asking for more.
Otherwise, you are just planning a string of ONS, not an FWB relationship.
Because who's that idiot that would keep coming back if HIS sexual needs aren't met and if your sexual performance isn't more than satisfactory ?! More so , precisely because it's all about sex, They would not be coming back because they like your conversations and they could talk to you for hours , or because they feel tender and protective towards you, or stuff like that.
They'be back only if the sex was good enough and they felt properly taken care of.
Otherwise you'd only get just a random string of Tom Dick and Harry.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (24 April 2016):
No, most FWBs do not end up with people having feeling " for each other " and we would have ample matewrial here at DC to prove it.
Most FWBs end up with ONE of the two people , the one who is less capable of neatly separating sex from lover, and/ or the more emotionally vulnerable or needy , catching feelings for the other, carefree and romantically uninvolved one, and they, those who get attached, end up wringing their hands and gnashing their teeth , while the casual, uninvolved one is busy screwing other people without a care in the world. so much for the feelings " for each other ".
If you feel that you are a person prone to jealousy and insecurity, if you get attached easily, if you expect from your potential FWBs anything more than casual sexual entertainment. then don't even start, you are doomed. It's going to end badly, or , at least, the sexual gratification you'd get won't remotely compensate for the frustration , humiliation and bitterness you'd be asking for.
As for resorting to several other partners so taht you won't have to become jealous,... yeah, in theory. In practice it does not work like this ! If you get to prefer a certain guy, to have a weak spot for him, to feel anything more that lust or ,at best, friendly camaraderie for that couple of hours you spent together every now and then....in short, if you get to really like guy A, sleeping with guy B,C,D, etc. won't help and won't change a iota.
As everybody knows very well who ever got dumped by someone they really liked, and tries immediately a few " rebound fucks " or " comfort fucks "- to get over the dumper. It raraely works, the more you wake up in strange beds teh more you feel you are in the wrong bed and certainly not the one where you want to be.
Not saying that casual sex is abhominable, or that it cannot ever work. I am saying . " casual " is easier said and done, and FWBs is fraught with hidden emotional traps. You must be sure that it is exactly the kind of thing you want, and that you are excatly the kind of person to handle it graciously, make that joyously ! otherwise what's the point. Pardon me but from what you write I am not quite sure you are that kind of person.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't want a relationship. But I'm sure most fwbs end up feeling some emotion at least for each other. So I have to not be relying on just one guy for everything. May as well have a bf then.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (24 April 2016):
 So you "don't get jealous" about what? There is nothing to get jealous about in meaningless activities. If nobody cares about anyone, as in FWB situation, jealousy is not an issue.
And your statement that men sleep with multiple women is a caricature. Not all men are like that but if that is the impression you get, it tells me that you should expand the geography in which you live because it is imposing an erroneous perception about men.
Also, those men who do sleep with multiple women, they get to do that because women allow them to. Somehow these men are in an environment in which women accept the standard that their guy should butterfly from one female to another, copulatibg. If I was a girl, I'd run away from that little clique that enables these men to be that way.
Finally, FWBs is the worst way to obtain a partner. Every statistic shows that FWB disproportionately hurts the woman and although some FWBs convert into a standard relationship, as a percent they are low. Not to mention STD risk.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso I like how fwb would give me more freedom. I can do whatever I want to sexually and not have to worry about my partner's needs.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to experiment more. I like commitment but I want a change. I'm aware and I don't mind handling the risks. I can't see how I wouldn't be jealous if he has multiple partners and I don't. Or like you mentioned, if we stay 'committed' to each other in a way and I start to like him or vice versa.
So do you have any fwb experience? I'd think most people would end up with jealousy issues...but I want to try.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 April 2016):
 I have to ask WHY is it necessary to do FWB? or even sleep with multiple guy? What are you REALLY hoping to achieve?
And what is wrong with a "real" relationship?
Why treat sex like it's somewhat unimportant?
I ask this because of what happens the MINUTE you find yourself with a STD or even worse an unwanted pregnancy. Then what? Oh, it's not going to happen to you?
Sex can and SHOULD be great fun, but I think you should take it JUST a little more serious than *I should fuck several guys, so I won't be jealous*.... People don't get jealous if they don't take it serious. If it's truly casual. The fact that you worry (before even having any of this FWB sex) that you could become jealous screams inexperience to me.
Jealousy is not cute, it's not something people do out of love. Jealousy is due to insecurities. And thinking that having MORE partners at the same time will make you less insecure is like thinking you can make an omelette without breaking any eggs.
I think you need to rethink this plan of yours, and figure out why you presume that a FWB is even a good thing.
Most of the posts we get here on DC regarding FWB are from women who caught feelings for their F-buddy/FWB partner and got burned because he just saw her as a hole in the mattress.
Do you think yourself incapable of having a REAL relationship?
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