A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have had quite a few relationships and i am in one now, but i cant trust my boyfriend, i get paranoid if his phone is off or he doesnt reply to my texts. We have only just started dating but he lives about 20 miles away from me and im scared incase he does something to upset me like all my previous relationships have. I want to trust him as i have known him for years but i cant. Am i just being paranoid or should i still not trust him??
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Everyone who answered, its really helped me.Im Gonna give it a go with him, after all he's not my ex's and has not done anything like that.Im just gona breathe and take a step back.Thanks peeps x x
A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (8 April 2007):
 I think you are maybe being a little paranoid but obviously it has a rational base in how you have been treated in the past. I understand because I can be the same and its a learning curve. It's important that you dont beat yourself up over it because its completly natural.
You have to remember that there are plenty of reasons for his phone to be off and for him not to reply; take deep breaths when you feel these attacks coming on and remind yourself of that fact. Write it down if necessary. Also remind yourself that he is not your exs and if all else fails text a friend who can reply to have a chat. Take care, hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, Just me...  +, writes (8 April 2007):
My advice to you is to relax and trust him... Trust him until you cant... what is the worst that could happen?
If he betrays you, then you know he is not the man for you and there is someone else out there perfect for you.
You will know in your heart if something is not right...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2007): Hi there,
Your future doesn't have to equal your past, but if all you ever do is get paranoid about your partner then you will find that you will always have problems with bad relationships in your future. The things people focus their energies on becomes manifested in reality. For example, if you tear yourself up in paranoia and distrust you will cause your relationship to end in the way you fear yet believe it will end anyway.
You are young, perhaps you will mature emotionally over the next few years, many teenagers do. But, you need to come to a point where you can let go of the past and stop believing that everyone that comes in to your life will end up hurting you.
It is the nature of relationships that people will hurt you, that is a fact of life. You've been hurt before and I assure you, you will get hurt again - many times! This though is a journey, hurt and painful times gives you experience and makes you a stronger, better person. By all means have some caution with people you choose to get close to, but don't close your heart to accepting that you can find love or you never will.
If this trust issue is wreaking your life I suggest you seek help from a therapist. You need some skills and a strategy to challenge your unhelpful, negative and destructive thoughts. You owe it to yourself to be happy and experience love without the nasty consuming thoughts of paranoia and jealousy.
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