A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hey, how do you know when you can re-trust someone? I ask because i still feel troubled from time to time about my bf of 16 months. Everything's great right now, but i caught him sexting an ex-workmate at 6 months, confronted him right away and was told it was meaningless and he didn't realise it would hurt me, so we had a long chat about boundaries and he knew for me, sexting crosses a line. So then, at 8 months, i catch him doing it again (tho to a lesser degree) with an ex. Then again at 11 months, i saw him talking about masturbating with a female colleague via FB:( Since then, so for the last 5 months, nothing else has happened. I made it clear that one more episode would mean the end of us. He was very upset, says he wants me to live with him and marry him, doesn't want to lose me. Says the sexting was stupid male ego stuff and that he has decided to grow up. I have forgiven him, but it did erode my trust (and if i'm honest, some of my respect and love for him). I'm rebuilding my trust in him and do love him, but every so often, i think of what he did and feel insecure, sometimes it feels like i'm just waiting for it to happen again. But i do want a future with him. So, how do i truly move forward? Is it just a matter of time? Thanks.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 January 2012):
 I have never ever been able to trust again someone who betrayed my trust... of course they never went long enough without a further betrayal to make it easy enough to do so.
I would think that if AFTER a year of exemplary behavior you still are not trusting then perhaps you may never be able to fully trust the person again... and that is understandable.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2012): honestly I don't think you will/can ever trust him again.if you stay with him, it's always going to be a relationship filled with mistrust, just that sometimes will be better than others like right now but I think you'll always be waiting for the other shoe to drop.I don't recommend that you stay in this relationship because it will be filling you with anxiety and resentment and your love and respect for him will erode even more because of the mistrust. In the end there's very little left of this relationship. it's not your job to make yourself trust him. you know he doesn't care for you just himself. the first time could have been forgiven if he was really that naive to not know that it's hurtful but after that and your long talk and him saying he won't do it again yet he does, multiple times.every time he gets caught, you continue to stay with him no matter how upset you get at him. so you're giving him a free pass to continue doing this. he doesn't mind that you get upset, if he did he wouldn't keep doing it.
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A
male
reader, landomando +, writes (26 January 2012):
okay this is exactly like me ex gf and me. I was sexting a girl online and she caught me. I only did it once and i was wasted but she could not forgive me. I dont blame her. I was going away to college and she was 4 hours away. there was no way she was going to trust me. First of all you will never trust him again. The reason you will never trust him again is because you never trusted him to begin with! You caught him once, my guess is probably because you were looking for something... Thats not trust!! You never trusted him then you made up from the first incident and months later found more stuff to incriminate him. You are not trusting him you never trusted him. The difference between guys and girls is we dont see the harm in it. we are just bored, want something that you, our gf is not giving us. Its FD up but i mean guys dont consider it cheating like a girl does. we just think of it as like looking at porn. its on the computer soo who cares. did he go on a date with her? kiss her? touch her? no! if he really loves you he needs to know that what he did hurt you. break up with him. let him get it through his head. you can say it a million times catch him doing it over and over and confront him but it wont help! it already hasnt! Break up with him a couple days make him feel like shit like how hes making u feel like shit. trust me when a guy is down with a broken heart and feels like he has lost everything then he really can understand and think about what he has done. Its not a matter of time until you can trust him. he really is gona just do it again later. and maybe u will catch him or maybe you will not. Im a guy and ive been through this and done this and all of that stuff... i can relate to this and understand him and you beacuse i hurt the one person in the world i loved more then anything. I lost her. and i will never get her back. Trust him 100% or dont be with him. Because otherwise it will never work.Good luck! i honestly hope things work out. and you can find a way to figure your trust issue out. If there is no trust in a relationship it just cant work.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2012): Wow seriously this guy don't care about you! If he did it wouldn't be a continues thing!
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