A
male
age
36-40,
*inology
writes:Hi, I know that when in a relationship partners should learn to trust each other. Me and my wife had a serious arguement last night. I know that i should respect my wifes privacy by not looking through her phone, I didnt want to see her messages, I was only playing with her phone, but then she got nervous when I was holding it, so I started to doubt... I checked her messages and inside i found her texting her Ex, she called him 'baobei' which means honey in english... I am so sad and angry at the same time, I dont know what to do... I asked her what the message was about, I only got to read the part 'Good night honey' which she texted and he replied the same. my wife told me that it was nothing, she said that she was used to calling him that name and she never cheated on me, she even called up the guy to explain to me that nothing happened between them since we were married... I want to trust my her, since she is my wife and we got this far already, it wasnt easy and I dont want to waste it... what should I do, she already appologized and said that she would never do it again. Please give me some advice, I really need some help.
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cheated on me, her ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 December 2010):
 I think you need to just explain to her that you cant trust her if she is going to lie to you, and give her a chance to earn the trust back. ask her to work hard and not to lie to you, ask her to be honest with you even if it means that you might get jelous if it is her ex texting.
A
male
reader, vinology +, writes (2 December 2010):
vinology is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to believe that there is nothing going on between them... but when I found the text and asked her who it was, she lied and said it was a girl, from her previous work, I didnt believe her, cause it was a guys name, I continued to confront her and she changed her answer completely to its a guy from her work before... after a few hours of talking she finally told me the truth, it was her ex. How can I trust her when im trying to give her a chance to tell the truth but she lied to me twice? it was her lying to me about who it was that gave me even more doubts and reasons not to trust her... If they really are just friends and calling names, why would she lie to me about who it was? thanks for you advice Aunt Honesty.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (2 December 2010):
Ok well im sure she just was used to calling him honey and that is why she done it. At the end of the day its just a pet name we put on people, and he used to be a big part of her life therefore she is probably still friends with him as she may still care about him. but she married you remember that, you are the one she picked not him, he is an ex for a reason, obviously they werent compatible and thats why there relationship didnt last.
sit down with her and tell her how you feel, tell her you want to trust her and both of you try and work harder to improve the relationship. Has there been anything else besides the texts that have made you not trust her? If not then i think you need to try and work on your own issues.
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