A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm super stressed by study, work and my family. I take it out on my boyfriend by being snappy, paranoid and unpleasant when really I adore him and want to treat him like gold. How can I stop this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, BeSimplyTrue  +, writes (7 March 2011):
 Sounds like this is one of those cases where you need to take care of yourself before you can take proper care of the people you love. (And by "take proper care of" I mean treating your boyfriend with respect and kindness, not doing his laundry or something! Taking care of his feelings is what I mean.)
To take care of yourself, I suggest you do two things. First, ask yourself what kinds of things help you feel calm and happy. Make a list, without considering whether these things are doable with your demanding schedule. That's for step two. Second, look at your schedule and consider where the stressful things can be cut back, if anywhere (maybe you can't, but it's good to look) and then figure out where you can squeeze in some of the easier calm-and-happy activities.
Maybe you'll have to modify some of your calm-and-happy activities to fit your schedule. For example, if you get really relaxed from taking a long bath, but you simply don't have time to sit in a warm sudsy tub for 20 minutes, you could run warm/hot water on a wash cloth and press it gently against your cheeks and eyes while breathing deeply. Or maybe you love going to the beach, but you don't have time, so you can watch a video on Youtube or listen to soothing beach sounds while remembering clearly the last time you were at the beach. Some relaxing activities take literally 5 minutes or less, you just have to be clever about identifying them and trying them, BEFORE you start snapping and having meltdowns. Or heck, even after, but prevention is probably best, yes?
You could also enlist your boyfriend's help for getting you to relax. Ask him for specific things that relax you (again, this is where the list helps). Maybe while he's relaxing you, you can benefit from the relaxing activity and also from the knowledge that he is helping you, and then you'll both profit.
A
female
reader, Sorayya  +, writes (7 March 2011):
Hi!I think you may need to give yourself a reality check. A friend of mine was in a similar situation to yours. She was totally in love with her boyfriend and he worshiped the ground she walked on. But she had a lot on her plate; work issues, family issues, health issues. She started taking it all out on him because he would just take it and still be loving and supportive. She did it because she assumed he would just be there because he loved her, forgetting that it doesn't matter how you feel, what matters is how you show it through your actions. He put up with it for 3/4 years and then just one day disappeared. Told her he'd had enough and that he just couldn't stand to be around her anymore. He cut contact with her and all of their mutual friends and refused to speak to her. It's been nearly a year now and she still misses him dreadfully and seriously regrets treating him badly, but he's not prepared to listen to her apologies, and no one can really blame him.You have to realise that your actions are driving him away, and while he may put up with it now, everyone has a threshold. Understand that what you're doing may cause the end of your relationship; do you really want t risk losing him? Talk to your friends or a counselor about your problems and don't take your boyfriend for granted. Right now he loves you enough to take your attitude, but your behaviour towards him will chip away at that love until one day there will be nothing left.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): if you really love your boyfriend,let him takeover you for a while.after a stressfull day just meet him up and tell him about your day .tell him how bad your day was and how you longed to meet him . ask him about his day . jst appologize for your behaivour in past and say you love him ,trust me we grls can get a lot moody after a hectic day if your boyfriend is actually standing with you after a bad day then he really loves you dnt let him go jst say a sorry and start everythng with a clean slate all the best ......
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