A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex cheated on his girlfriend with me but I still have feelings for him and it's not something that happened only once but now he wants to stop because he "feels bad". I see the girl all the time because we go to the same track club. Is it wrong that I kind of just want to tell her and get it out? Do you think it will cause any real problems between them ? And do you think he'll hate me forever after ? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): I don't know what you hope to accomplish by telling her. Since you blame her for your breakup it can't be guilt. The only thing I can think of is you want to settle the bitterness you feel for this girl. The result will be the boy will blame you for his breakup (if you think he'll blame himself, think again). The girl whom you have to see at track club will make you her enemy.
You said other people know about his cheating? Take solice in the knowledge that everyone knows about it but her & is talking about it behind her back. Don't tell. It may satisfy you ego but the resluts will be bad
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): Of course it will cause real problems between them, but you don't really care do you? If you did you wouldn't have been with him in the first place would you?
Will he hate you forever? Yes probably. But your only half the problem. He is the other half. I doubt he'll hate himself forever.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): well actually its exactly the same thing. she slept with him when we were together and then we broke up. and then he came back to me and we did it too while they were together.
but i do agree i need to figure out my motives first. its just awkward knowing
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): another thing about it is.. a lot of other people (like his friends and others at track club) already know. they just dont talk about it. really it's just her that doesn't know. i guess that kind of makes it worse
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): Part of me wants to sort of get it off my chest. And another part wouldn't mind totally screwing up their relationship because she is the reason we broke up in the first place so im not sure. It's just always awkward seeing either of them now because I always do, and I know what we did.
...............................
A
female
reader, Jmo  +, writes (4 March 2008):
 Do you want to tell her with the wishful thinking that she'll be out of the picture? Motives are a big deal. While everyone deserves to know that they're being cheated on, delivering the news is a very difficult situation. Chances are, if you tell her yourself, you'll be creating a problem not only between them or between you and him, but a problem between every one of your mutual acquaintances (think about it). And just remember that you have to see this girl at your track club. So, I guess the big question is, do you want out of a delicate and potentially socially devastating situation with as much maturity and dignity as you can preserve? Or do you want to gamble with it and let the chips fall where they may? i think your best bet if you do go through with telling her is to play the whole "I wish I wasn't the one who had to tell you this, but..." kind of speech and act as if you're sorry about it. Either that or just cut off all ties with him and let them deal with their own mess. Hope it all works out and hope this helps.
-Jmo
...............................
|
