A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok most days going into work I see the most stunning woman on the train, and I can't seem to get to talk to her.I've tried the old sit opposite and try and make eye contact and smile stuff, but she's always got her head buried in The Times (or on Friday's The Metro). I would try to forget all about it, but I am currently experiencing a dearth of romantic interests. So please can I have some suggestions on how to talk to this woman and get her go out with me?And I do have many alternative routes to work if this totally backfires! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): I was in a similar situation with two women I adored on the train. I never made a move, although there was body language on both sides. One day they actually sat on either side of me, our legs rubbing the whole way into the city. I was so aroused, it wasn't funny.
Like a dolt, I never did anything. I regret it a bit. Go for it. Life's too short to be shy.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (24 November 2011):
 If she's reading the Metro newspaper, I think they got a special "I like you" column especially for cases like yours. Think you can call, text or write in and say "To the lady, on the Southbound Bakerloo line, your so beautiful, your all I can think about." It's somewhere in the back pages, and I think it's very sweet, she might too.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (24 November 2011):
 And if you really are interested in seeing her, get up earlier. :)
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 November 2011):
I've been on London trains, they aren't that different.
Leave the free copy of the Metro for the next person and ask if you can read her Times. That's pretty bold but if she's seen you for many months, you aren't an absolute unknown to her.
If you are having this much trouble approaching her, perhaps she is out of your league. Maybe simply admire from afar and find your next date elsewhere.
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (24 November 2011):
 Hi OP
If it has been months, and she has made no attempt at eye contact, I really do think you would be fighting a losing battle.
I know what London trains are like, and most of the time you keep your head down, eyes fixed. But if you are a regular, you get to know the faces. You get to recognise the people, you smile, say hello, pass the time of day.
If I was on a train, regularly seeing a guy I liked the look of, I would make some sort of eye contact, smile, whatever. Even if it was fleeting.
If I wasnt interested, I would do everything possible to not look at them.
For her to not make any kind of friendly gestures to anyone suggests she isnt interested in anything.
What suddenly changed your mind in the last month about making a move on her?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHaven't seen her all week - been getting up later than I should for work :) I thought about the paper thing but I usually have my own metro.
I've noted that girls who are saying go for it are based in the USA. Maybe London trains are different lol.
In answer to celtic_tiger's question: I've seen her around for a fair few months and I was content to leave it, but I've only decided that I want to do something about it in the last month or so.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2011): There is no harm in trying AT ALL. If she is not interested you will get over it eventually. I think that is the smartest thing to do. People are rejected everyday, it is a part of life. :) Good luck!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 November 2011):
 No, unfortunately it doesn't change it. We don't think you're doing anything wrong or that you're being creepy, it's just a bad place to meet someone.
Tisha's idea is a great one though, it's worth a try.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 November 2011):
She's got her head buried in The Times because she's a stunning woman and has been hit on many times. Person12345 and Celtic Tiger have her pegged, I think.
Ask her if you can read her paper when she's done and make a comment on a story in the paper. "May I please read your paper when you are through with it?" If she doesn't pick up on the conversational cue, give it up. She's not interested in meeting you.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (22 November 2011):
Hi OP.
If I am honest... your new info doesnt really change my original post.
Just out of interest how long has this been going on? How many weeks/months/years have you been seeing her twice a week?
Has she ever acknowledged your existance in that time?
If she has shown NO interest at all OP, I think you are perhaps in a no win situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst off thanks for the advice.
I should point out that I don't see her every day (and reading over what I wrote I see her less than perhaps I made out). But I see her on average once or twice a week on a certain train. Does that detail make much difference to everyone's advice?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2011): Someone could be staring straight at me and I won't even know it! They could even think I looked at them but ignored them...never did it. If I were you I would just try to talk to her. Be polite, say hi, ask how she is. Say you always see her on the train, ask what she does etc..just some small talk. Then ask her out. Be yourself. The worse you can say is no. Then respect that gracefully. Do not switch your routes. If you see her the next day smile and say hi. Everyday you see her, be cordial say good morning. And move on with your life. But definitely try!
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (21 November 2011):
 She keeps her face buried in the paper because she does not want to talk to you. I know it seems promising because she hasn't DIRECTLY rejected you yet, but if you try and chat her up, she will.
Just leave her alone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2011): The metro has a kind a text in service, so you could try send one for her and if it gets printed, hope she reads it :)
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (20 November 2011):
Someone on the train who gets in and immediately buries their face in a book or something is sending a very clear message, don't bug me. Like Celtic Tiger said, women are always very aware of who is around us and if they're paying attention when we're in public spaces. Maybe she has a boyfriend, maybe she's uncomfortable being hit on, who knows. But she probably knows who you are and probably doesn't want to strike up a conversation.
Just being female in a large city, especially if you're attractive often means frequent verbal harassment, from homeless people to random people on the street, from polite compliments to vulgar remarks all the way up to threats for not returning "affection." I've experienced it, most women I know in big cities have too. It's not fun to deal with, especially if you're in a confined place like a train. It's much easier to just bury your head in a book and create an invisible forcefield of "Please ignore me."
It doesn't mean you've done something wrong or that she has some personal beef with you, she can't possibly know you seriously want to talk to her rather than be obnoxious in some way. You can try complimenting her on something not physical (make sure it's not physical so you don't sound creepy, compliment her shoes or earrings or something). If she seems receptive you can try talking to her, but if she just smiles and/or gives a really brief thanks and goes back to reading, you've got to move on.
Sorry, I know it sucks, I once sat next to a woman with the exact same shoes as me and tried to make a comment and she gave me a horrified look and switched seats. Subways/trains are possibly the worst possible place to try to be social. It's like an elevator, you're trapped there with all these people who all just want to pretend they're alone.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (20 November 2011):
I hate to say this, but if you have already tried eye contact and things, she probably isnt interested. She has noticed you, but chosen not to start a conversation. She chooses to keep her eyes in her papers each day.
As a woman, we do notice what goes on around us, even if we appear to be engrossed in what we are doing. She will have seen you sit opposite, she would have seen you try to make eye contact. So either she is being totally away with the fairies (which I doubt) or she is just being very rude.
Personally when I am on the train, if someone smiles at me, or makes eye contact, I smile back. I might even chat to them. Its being polite.
How many times have you seen her? Where does she get on the train? If she is a real regular then she will recognise you without a doubt. You will be a familiar face.
She may be pretty, but I am sure you can do better than someone who ignores you.
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