A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello Aunts. I know that with what I'm asking advice on, everyone's going to want to tell me that I'm too young to be doing all this and whatever else they want to say about my age, but I'm going to ask you to please not comment on my age if it's just to tell me that i'm too young.Anyway, my problem. I've had a boyfriend for almost a year now. He's sweet and funny and cares about me very much. After eight months or so, we started fooling around, nothing big just some touching and rubbing, through clothes. From there, it went to touching and rubbing inside of clothes, and the other day I gace him a blowjob for the first time. I know he liked it, and I didn't mind giving it to him. I felt guilty for a little while later that night, but after some thinking, and talking to him about it, I feel pretty comfortable about what I did. I'm sure that I love him, and he's been there for me for one of the hardest years of my life, helped me through a lot of problems I've had. He asked me if I was okay with what we did, and I said yes, just as long as he kept everything we did a secret, because I have some really strong Christian friends and I don't want them to look down on me for my choices. He said fine, and has done so. But today soemthing happened that seemed a little off. He asked me to give him another one. I said I was okay with it, and I did, but while I was pleasuring him, he got a little caught up in the moment I guess, and wanted me to go faster and, er, deeper, and sort of pushing my head with his hands. I gagged a little, and told him I had to stop, and he was fine with it. But it left me a little worried. I want to talk to him about it, because he was being a little forceful and I didn't like it. Is it just his natural rush? How should I go about talking to him about something like that without making him think he hurt me, which he didn't. Should I tell him I need some time to think?Thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): You are too young by law (not that this stops anyone... almost ever) but not too young physically. The vast majority of all our ancestors were born to mothers under 18 years of age, so it's natural... biologically. However, you have to approach all the complications that arise from sex with maturity and a sense of humor.
That last message from the woman saying your boyfriend is some kind of a piggish rape artist was a bit overly dramatic. It is true that most men are piggish rape artists by nature, just waiting to vent their sexual frustrations on, hopefully, willing partners such as yourself. This forcefulness, more commonly than not, should be controlled by communication and respect. It is also a source of great excitement when applied correctly.
Do NOT look at his actions in a negative light. That is the start of having a long, unhappy sex life, with him and with anyone else you choose to be with. Instead, appreciate the fact that you excite him to the point of 'losing control', and if anything like that happens again address it IMMEDIATELY. Do not wait for it to fester and work on your mind. Do not judge him for something you did not stop while it was happening.
You should have said, "Hey, wait a minute, buster! That's weird and makes me feel a little like a piece of meat. Would you rather I do this, or shall I get you a stake from the fridge?" And telling him that with a big smile on your face, as if any reaction of his will be accepted, would make actually communicating your dismay acceptable to him, easy for you to do, and would improve your sex life, as well as your relationship.
When being intimate physically, it helps to be intimate emotionally and mentally as well. Good sex requires good communication. Or you can take that feminazi's advice and bring him up on sexual assault charges for wanting you too eagerly.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): Some guys get a little uh...posessed, if you will. Including my ex...he got a little caught up in the pleasure and tended to pull my hair a little, push me down all the way, and set my pace for me a little. I didn't really mind, because I knew he was just really into it.
I think you should just ask him about it. You didn't seem to have much trouble talking to him about the actual blow job, so this shouldn't be a problem, I don't think. Just ask him if he pushed you down father because you weren't doing it to his liking (perhaps you can work out a compromise) or because he was enjoying it so much that he wanted more.
Communication.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): well... yes and no... guys sometimes do get into it a little too much. especially if they watch alot of porn where that happens. it can be a turn on for him to be 'in control'... BUT what ever he wants to try, he needs to talk about with you first! he should have asked first or eased into it a little more. especially since it was your second time doing it. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, than it's wrong. tell him you were uncomfortable. If he apologizes and doesn't 'force' you again, that's fine... even if in the future he asks if he can 'guide' your head a little or something easy. but only if it's ok with you. If he gets angry at you for being uncomfortable... he's not a keeper...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): I think it is very natural, and no I'm sure he meant no disrespect he was in the middle of a very intense moment. Don't read a lot of stuff into this that isn't there, but yes talk to him about your feelings.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): No, that's not natural. That was an absolutely unacceptable thing he did to you. I've never had a guy do that to me, and if he did he'd be out on his butt, and fast. It was rude and selfish of him, and it showed a huge lack of respect and care for you. Just sit him down, tell him there's been something bothering you and you need to get it off your chest. Then just be honest with him about it. Tell him how what he did made you feel, ask him why he felt it was an acceptable thing to do to you, tell him you will not tolerate such selfish behaviour again,and tell him what you need now, be it an apology, a break, whatever.
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