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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm in the process of planning a trip to Disney World for myself, my husband, and five of my cousin's children. I've budgeted it all out for the 7 of us.The reason I wanted to take this trip is because their father, my cousin, died recently. These children are all half-siblings and don't see each other very often. I wanted to give them a real family trip for the five of them. Something they could bond over. My only concern is that I have 2 cousins. The one who died and his sister. She has two children who I won't be taking on this trip. I'm worried they will be hurt or upset. Financially, my husband and I are doing great and are in a position to make this trip happen. We probably could take the other 2 with a little more saving. But I had just wanted the 5 of them to do a sibling event where they'd bond and get to be in a household like normal siblings. We can't often do sleepovers with all 5 of them because of age difference and the fact 1 lives out of state. Honestly, if we did take the other 2 it would be 7 children and 2 adults which is a little much for us to handle. With only 5 children, 2 of whom are teens, we can manage. What are your thoughts and opinions? Should I include the other 2 or will they understand?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2014): Go ahead and do what you want, bring the five children of the cousin who passed away.
Explain to his sister what you have planned and why you are doing it. Just tell her what you wrote here, about wanting to make it a special event for those five children. I'm sure she will understand and be on board with it, and she can explain to her two children what is happening.
I can't imagine the children being hurt or upset, but IF they are, this provides their parents with a wonderful teaching moment. This is about doing something incredibly nice for five children who lost their father. They can use this as an example of being thoughtful and having empathy, rather than selfishly worrying about what you're getting.
Of course, if the sister shows an interest in coming along, you could invite the entire family to come along if they can afford it and make arrangements for themselves. Having two more parents would help with managing the other five children.
If you really feel guilty about it, or if those two kids ask you about it, you could promise to take them somewhere in the future.
Either way, under no cirumstances should you feel an obligation to pay for and watch her two children on this trip.
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female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (31 January 2014):
 The children just lost a parent and this is a wonderful thing you are doing for them. I think that the other cousins parents will understand. Perhaps you could invite them along if they wanted to come, too, at their own cost and as a family of their own?! It might show you're happy for them to come but that you can't really stretch the budget that far etc...
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2014): Sorry, I meant to say Disney World is a child's dream. I also realize the children are cousins, not your nieces and nephews.
Sorry about the errors.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2014): Children don't understand nor care about the cost, or your excuses for not including them. All they know is that all five of their cousins were invited, and they are not.
You have to be very careful when you plan events that include children as close as siblings and cousins. You can easily hurt feelings, and the damage could last for years. Not that children have no understanding; but a trip to Disneyland is a child's dream. No one could come up with a explanation that would avoid their hurt and disappointment. The other children will want to tell them about it.
I would suggest waiting until you can afford the extra two. The teenagers are old enough to help. I don't care what the other aunts and uncles may say; I am particularly protective of children. I've seen so much damage and hurt people have caused little ones, with even the best of intentions.
I think your gesture is extremely generous and very very sweet. You're a jewel of an aunt. That's what would make it so difficult for the other children to understand. You might even ask that their parents (and others) could chip in, if they could.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 January 2014):
I would express how you want to do something nice for BOB's children (the cousin who passes away) and that you have planned a Disney vacation to bring them along.
I don't think your cousin (unless she is a very entitled person) would be upset for you wanting to do a NICE thing for her nieces/nephews.
I would also tell them that if they can manage it financially they are more then welcome to come too (providing they pay their own way).
What you are doing is a REALLY nice thing. If she gets mad, shame on her.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 January 2014):
 PS. depending on the circumstances, if you are very afraid of making things uneven you can give them a gift instead of bringing them along.
If the children are below the age of 5, I don't really think they will notice or know if the others are in Disney-World or not. And if they are teenagers, they will know better than to whine. But if the two groups of cousins are close, and you know there will be rivalry because of this trip, just get them a gift instead to even things out. Nothing super expensive, but something fun. You can also talk to your cousin (mother of the two you mention) and ask her what she thinks.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (31 January 2014):
Go with the plan as you originally thought. You can't tip toe around everyone's feelings, and the other two children still have their parents. No one died there. And they get to be together all the time. SURE they might get jealous. Who doesn't want to go to Disney-land? But this isn't about them, this is about the 5 children who lost their dad. Remember the point of the trip.
If you had children of your own, would you think you'd need to take on all 7 of the cousins children too each time you and your own kids went on vacation? No? This is no different. Yes, the ones who don't get to go will be jealous, but that's life. Don't brag about it, don't push their faces in it. They'll live. These other two didn't recently lose their father, there's no reason why you should include them just because they might whine about it.
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