A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm considering ending my relationship of 8 months because I have become so paranoid about my boyfriend cheating. Four months ago he suggested going on a break for a few weeks, and later admitted it was to see another girl who he took on dates and slept with. He apologised and persisted for a month until I took him back, but I now find the paranoia of him cheating harder as time goes on. I've spoken to him about it and he tells me he loves me and only has eyes for me, but my gut feeling tells me to end before I get heartbroken and made an idiot of twice. The paranoia is making me selfish and self-centred, and is worsened by the fact that I see other relationships where boyfriends are affectionate and phone everyday, and I'm aware mine only does this when he's drunk, or when I'm ill or upset. I want to stay with him him so much. Heart or head?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): you need to think about what is best for you he obviously didnt think about you when he left and did this fling of his. If he did he wouldnt have done it. If he only had eyes for you then why was he looking in the first place. Drop this guy and find a man who will Love you and not look for a reson to leave.
Take care,
Blue
A
male
reader, no_issues  +, writes (30 June 2008):
 The lessons of porn are very salient here. From watching porn it is immediately clear that the world is full of men who are ready to satisfy your every erotic need, possibly even while you are at work, sitting by the pool, or attempting to give a lecture.
It stands to reason, then, that if one particular man makes you sick with paranoid fear, then it's time to move on to another. Paranoid fear seldom if ever appears in porn.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): Use your head and follow your guts.... "My gut feeling tells me to end before I get heartbroken and made an idiot of twice"
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): "but my gut feeling tells me to end before I get heartbroken and made an idiot of twice"
Trust your gut. Don't ignore those feelings. They're there for a reason and they're usually bang on.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 June 2008):
 Take a break from him yourself. You need to regain your objectivity and think through what you know about him and what you know about yourself. This is a very new relationship and the fact that he's already stopped it to date another girl suggests something to me. He is a very lazy man, and doesn't want to work too hard. It was easier to get you back after the failed relationship attempt with Miss Four Month girl than to try to find a new one. He's looking for someone 'better' than you, I think.
I could be very wrong, but the other bit of info you gave on him was that he only makes an effort when he's drunk or you're upset.
I have know some very handsome, charming men in my life. And a couple of them were cheaters. It would have been easy to be envious of their wives, except for the fact that they once they were 50 miles outside home, they would go for anything that remotely resembled a hot young woman.
You have to be able to separeate what you WANT to happen from what IS actually happening. You're not going to be able to change him. He should be wooing the socks off you at this stage in your relationship, instead he treats you as Plan B.
Go with your head, as Ask oldersister said.
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