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male
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anonymous
writes: Did I do the right thing????I recently split up with my first and only girlfriend. I'm 27 (so its a late start for me) but she was younger. She's a lovely girl and loved me with all her heart, she would have done anything for me. But throughout the relationship I was unsure whether I was really attracted to her or not....for example, the last month I never really had the urge to have sex, as our sex wasn't great....she was inexperienced.We split because I felt it was the right thing to do becuase of some of the doubts I've had about being attracted to her, and becuase she was my first girlfriend, I wanted to look around at other girls. The thing is, a week or so after splitting I've been so upset, and I'm missing her alot....but I don't know if its 'being in a relationship' that I miss? I don't think she will get back with me as she feels that I'm not attracted to her and feels blamed for the 'not so good sex'. I'm not sure if it would be a good idea to persue getting her back....or to just accept its over and look for someone who suits me better.....I'm also worried I'll never meet another girl again, not becuase I'm bad looking or a bad person....just a bit pessimistic, lol.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): I can understand this must be difficult. You didn't mention how long you and your ex partner had been together, but I'm guessing it had been a while? Break ups are always hard, but before you consider what to do next you need to stop and think about several things.
Consider....
what is is about her that you miss so badly?
What was it that brought you together in the first place?
Was there some kind of attraction there initially?
If so, what was it, and why did it fade away?
You mentioned she would do anything for you, but did you make her aware that you were unhappy with things before you decided to break up with her?
When you say you're not sure if you are attracted to this woman, is it purely that you're not physically attracted?
Or is it that you're not attracted to her as a person?
Whilst sex is important in a relationship, when you get to my age (53) you realise sex it isn't he be all and end all in a relationship! Having said that there is always room for improvement in the bedroom if you are both open and honest with what works for you. Talking about sex can be difficult, especially if you're both in your first relationship. I don't mean to be picky, but you mentioned she was your first relationship, and then you say that she was inexperienced when it came to sex. I think it's a bit of a 2 way street there! Remember, "Good lovers aren't born, they're made".
I hope that these points may have enlightened you in some way. I will finish by saying that you should follow your heart. If you truly miss this girl for who she is, then it is a relationship that may be worth saving. If not, then quite frankly you should move on and don't waste anymore of your/her time. Best Wishes!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): You and she might not have been all that good a match.
Its not unusual to miss the relationship itself, yet not miss the person. I mean, there was all that attention, and getting used to going out with someone.
You had your reasons for splitting up, and it would be good to stick with them.
You will eventually meet someone else - probably you should try to date a number of different women - take them out to lunch, dinner, etc., but as long as you ARE seeing several, do not have sex with any of them!
Because, once you become sexual, the expectation then is that you'll be exclusive to one another, for so long as the relationship lasts. Playing the field is a good way to begin to get an idea as to who you really click with.
Additionally, it would be a good idea to try to learn from this past relationship, and think about the qualities you want, and do not want, in another relationship. Make a list, even, of what you are looking for.
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