A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, i love my boyfriend he is 27 years old and moved back in with his mum and dad when he broke up with his ex. We are putting in for a house together and he is fighting for his kids, but since i have been with him we dont get left alone. people are always getting him to do stuff. i have not spent 1 full day with him but his dad is yelling at him for spending to much time with me, and now he isnt spending anytime with me. His nan is spying on us and telling his dad lies about us. he doesnt work but he goes to help his dad all time, and doesnt say no when he tells me he doesnt wont to go. i dont no what to do. i no that he loves me but he will only show me when no one els is there. i wont a break, but he needs me with what he is going through with his kids. i dont no what to do if i say i need a break he will take it the wrong way, but i moan at him about this, then i get complain at him, then i feel guilty about it, i want to spend 'alone' time with him during the day, but he sees us spending time together is when we spend the night together.then when he tells me we are gonna spend time togther, he gets a phone call and has to run off. He is keeping his dad happy by spending time at home but he doesnt relise is making me upset, please try and help what can i do?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (25 September 2008):
 You said you want a break; I think you should take one. It's up to him and his family to deal with his children; they are not yours. You wrote "I wont a break, but he needs me with what he is going through with his kids." Has he told you he needs you? And for what exactly? Or have you made the assumption that he needs you for this. If he has his family around him, all the time, he has plenty of support for his kids.
It sounds to me that he's really not that interested in being with you, except at night. I say that because if he did want to be with you, he would make it happen. He's not doing that.
I think you should tell him calmly and clearly what you've told us here. That you love him. That since he's moved back in with his parents you have not spent one single day alone. That you are concerned that his nan is telling lies about you to his father. That you would like to spend some time, during the day, alone, with him, and that you would prefer he not run off if his father calls.
What do you mean he will take your wanting a break the wrong way? It simply means that you're not happy with the relationship as it stands and you need some time alone to reconsider it. Make that clear. If he chooses to take it the wrong way, that's HIS problem, not yours. If he's that dense, he's not much of a catch. Sorry.
You also said that he's not aware that you're so upset? Look, good relationships are built on good communication. If you can't let him know that you're not happy with the current set-up without a major falling out, then you need to work on how you talk with him.
It's taken me a lot of years to have figured out how to talk with my husband. A couple of tips. Stay calm, don't cry or get hysterical, men hate that. Use the word "I" at the beginning of each sentence, as in "I feel..." or "I would like..." Do NOT use the words "You make me feel..." or "You are acting like..."
Skip the context, and by that I mean don't tell him the whole long story. Stick to the point and get to it quickly. He doesn't need to know every single detail, he just needs the big picture.
And read Ask oldersister's advice very carefully. She's giving you a wake up call, and as tough as it might sound, she's right. If you want to be with him, you're going to have to figure out how to get along with his family.
Good luck.
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