A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I love each other very much, but we come from different backgrounds and have many differences. He is European and I am American; he is 27 and I am 19. We get somewhat jealous (e.g. when an old acquaintance stops to chat with him at work), and sometimes we joke around about it, because we know it is just because we love each other. It is kind of cute.He gets pretty upset, though, when men look at me in the street -- which happens a lot. The city I live in (in Europe) has catcallers all over the place, and I get hit on multiple times a day. We usually only see each other on the weekends, since he lives about an hour away by train. (Side note: In Europe they seemingly embrace openness and sexuality -- every pharmacy you pass has pictures of a naked woman -- but when there is a real female in a flirty dress, the men go crazy and the women give judgmental looks.)I am attractive and I am flirtatious with my male friends, but I stopped as soon as my boyfriend showed that it upset him. He told me not to worry, that it was just him being silly and he would get over it, but it is easy to stop something like that, and probably better for me and my friends as well.Recently I have been quite emotional over the smallest things and have been stressing him out a lot, so I don't want to bring up how I am worrying about this new thing (which I am getting to now, sorry about the long intro.)Basically, it was a hot day today, so I lay out in the park with my friends in shorts and a bikini top. I had a bottle of coke with me, and while I was drinking out of it, a friend took a picture of me. It ended up being a really nice picture; it looks like a Coke commercial. I sent it to him, and he said I was beautiful. Then I thought out loud that I may make it my Facebook profile picture. He got upset and asked why on Earth would I want to show myself to 400 people, to 200 boys? I said ok, I won't do it, but then he felt badly about trying to control what I do.I am telling him it's not a big deal, and it's not -- I don't have to have a new profile picture. But how do I deal with this jealous behavior? I appreciate that he's jealous, because I can feel the same way. But it was not one of those sleazy pictures, and I feel like he has forgotten that I am a 19 year old girl. Can he deal with the stress of being in a relationship with an attractive girl 8 years younger than him? I love him immensely, and want to do everything for him, but I am worried that this is a confidence issue for him. I want to spend my life with him, but I don't want to lose my youth in the process.I am asking several questions here, but any advice on the general situation would be welcome as well as answers to any of the specific questions. Sorry about the length, and thank you in advance!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (22 April 2011):
Well, I don't know if I can answer your questions. I can tell you my girlfriend is younger than me. About the same age gap you have with him. When my girlfriend goes to see her friends (specially male friends) I feel a little uneasy. I have never said a word about it. But I wonder if she could find her friends (which are her age) more attractive than me.
Maybe your boyfriend has the same insecurity I have. And he can't control himself. I'm not saying his jealousy behaviour is good. But maybe it will help you thinking about this.
You don't have to lost your youth, you have to make him feel sure about you. He could think that posting that picture in your profile is like offering yourself to other guys.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011): Sweetie, you are a teenager. Men get a ton of kicks having sex with a TEENager who is nineTEEN. You should not sacrifice your youth to any man. What was he doing at 19??? I, and many others I know settled down early just to bitterly regret it later. And yes, there was a deep love but as science and gone to prove, that intense feeling dissolves before the 2 year mark. If you are not left with a respectful love, friendship, trust, respect, loyalty, you will have nothing.
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