A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have been seing this guy on and off since late last year. The problem is he cant commit to me. we text every day and talk on the phones about once a week we live a lil way apart but its only a 20 min drive. ( we both have cars and drive) the problem is we only see each other onece every 6-8 weeks when we see each other its great. but I want more and he doesnt know if he has time for me? Even though he says his heart says he sould be with me, and he cant bear the though of hurtin me. he says im his best friends and that he couldnt bear to loss me. we have tried to just be friends but we end up in bed. which sounds bad but feels gd and neither of us regeret it.i dont know wot to do?do I give him time?say its over?or Give him a deadline?please help. i like him so much.... but is he just playin me???
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (29 August 2008):
 Sorry, I hit the add your answer button before I was finished with my answer to you.
If I were you, I would switch him to the distant but good friend category. I would stop being his 'friend with benefits,' because it's keeping me from finding another, better, more available guy. I would start dating other men who would be able to see me more than 8 times a year and who I could speak with more than 52 times a year. I wouldn't feel the need to justify or apologize for this decision. I would let him know of his new status, and I would stand firm and not fall into bed with him.
I don't believe that texting is any substitute for a real relationship with face-to-face time and real-time conversations where you can hear the tone and inflections of the voice, see his eyes and body posture.
I think that he's leading you on and has sold you a story to keep you as an occasional sex partner. So yes, I think he's playing you. You'll be able to tell when you stop the 'benefits' part of this very lopsided relationship.
Take care.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 August 2008):
He says you're his best friend but he only sees you every 6-8 weeks? You speak to him once a week on the telephone? And you live 20 minutes apart? What does he do for a living that keeps him so busy?
You know what? It doesn't really matter. You say you want more in the relationship. He can't or won't have that kind of relationship with you. You are waiting for him to commit, and I expect you've made yourself emotionally unavailable for other potential dates.
You're on hold. He's happy with the arrangement. There's no reason for him to change. Has you ever wondered if you are not his only sex partner? It sounds fishy to me. He says it would be a huge loss to lose you, but he's not taking steps to keep you.
i
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