A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have found myslef on this site a lot lately posting questions it seems like.and once again im confused as to what i should do.i love my man so much but frankly im not in love with him in any way at all anymore. we have been together a few years and it seems as if our whole relationship has been one huge problem. from the start he talked to other girls and i would catch him and we would fight like crazy break up and then make up and that continued for about a year. then he stopped the talking and said he was going to be serious with me...meanwhile iv been serious the whole time. then after he swore his commitment to me, he soon broke it by going to another girls house when we broke up and tried to have sex with her and messed around with her. but we ended up back together. by this time iv literally had it with him. i had given my all to him from day one and was so good to him and gave him chance after chance. my entire attitude changed towards him after this. i basically became a giant bi*ch to him because i was tired of being so nice and getting stomped on.i figured if i was mean to him when he hurt me next time i wouldnt care as much. well that obviously wasnt a solution. and it changed our relatonship. basically i was wearing the pants for the most part. and i honestly didnt like it. it was like we were both just being together but not really caring about each other. since i was being oh so mean. i to went astray in our relationship with an old friend. i went to a movie with him and we kissed. yes i know it was bad and i felt so bda i told my boyfriend about it right when i got home.this was another big change in our relationship, now i was the bad guy. he didnt trust me which was understandable and i accepted that. but the other things werent acceptable like throwing it in my face al the time, isolating me from my friends to a point where they quit talking to me at all, calling me like every hour to see what i was doing and if i didnt answer he would blow my phone up and flip out. this went on for months and months and then id had enough. by this point we fought constantly because he was being so controlling and couldnt let the past go even though i had let his mistakes go. i was miserable all the time but since i had no friends basically anymore i didnt want to leave him and have no one to hang out with or talk to. so we stayed together. this was about a year and a half if not longer ago. i told and told him how i felt and that i just wanted the old us back but it never worked. we would be fine for a while and id think oh wow maybe we do love each other but then it would all go bad in some way again. and that cycle has been going on ever since. and i honestly dont know what to do about it anymore. i think iv put my all in this and now i have nothing left for it. recently we did very good for about two months and i was so happy but then one night things changed. we were at one of his friends houses for the night drinking and so on. and he went through my phone even though he had been saying he trusted all the way again. there was nothing i was trying to hide from him and he got on my email. a guy had emailed me and asked me for my number and i declined and for some reason this made my boyfriend flip his lid. he looked pissed for the rest of the night, and treated me awful. he shook me everytime i fell asleep and jerked covers off me and ripped my promise ring off. and made jokes about me to his friends about how i have other boyfriends. this really hurt me. we had been so well and then he does this over nothing.i feel like he wants to sabotage our relationship because for the past four years when we have done good he seems to ruin it. i think were only together because were used to it. we love each other but not like we should. every little fight we get into he says then "if you dont wana be together then leave me"..why would he throw this in my face if everytime i have left him he begs and begs and begs for me to come back until i do. it makes no sense to me. i just feel like we both dont want to be together but we keep trying in hopes that it will be different. we have tried to go on breaks and he never lets them run their course. so i dont know what to do at all. most of me doesnt want to be with him. but some of me does cause we have put so much time in this and so much effort and if would just grow up and quit trying to be so controlling then he would be perfect. but i dont think he will change. his dad is the same way and he acknowledges that he needs to change but he doesnt.i would just love to go on a break and really find out if we can be without each other and then decide if we want to keep trying but the breaks never work. how can i get him to do this with me? i feel like its our only hope. i need some time to think and talk to other people and be free if that makes sense. and honestly as much as it pains me to say, i want to talk to other guys and see whats out there. and i want him to talk to other girls and then i want us to decide on what to do about us. does this seem like a good idea? how can i make it work? thank you in advance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno we dont live together and thank you for the advice. the hard part is gona be trying to gt him to go along with it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno we dont live together and thank you for the advice. the hard part is gona be trying to gt him to go along with it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): Go for it. He's obviously paranoid and disrepectful, bordering on the abusive, really, shaking you like that! Take a break, stop seeing him for a while (you don't live together, do you? Sometimes moving out to separate homed is a lot of what a relationship needs in getting some air); if it doesn't work avain, only see him in very formal situations (i.e. meeting somewhere public for a date, then leaving separately). If it would ever work out, it would have to be built from the ground up, as friends first.
-T.V.
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