A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Will try and cut this as short as possible!I have a female best friend. Have known each other 5 years and we have always been very close. Tell each other everything, look out for one another through the tough times. I'm 36 she's 34.Everyone who knows us either thinks we are a couple or should be a couple. Even her mum. About 18 months ago, a lot of our mutual friends were convinced she had a crush on me because of her behaviour around me - a certain jealousy around other women and being very touchy feely of me in front of other women. At a party one of our friends asked her - without my knowing - and she said not (then five mins later was sharing the same seat as me rather than sit in an empty seat and with her hand on my leg.She's been dating and I have been dating and I never had feelings for her - until recently. And they are very strong and it doesn't help that everyone thinks we should get together. My friend knows people think this because I told her and I said she should adjust her behaviour if that's what makes people think this. Which she did for a while but she is constantly fixing things up for us to do together, wants me to learn to ski so I can go skiing with her etc.Now, I think the only way I can save our friendship, knowing she doesn't feel the same way, is for me to move away, as distancing won't work because we share the same friends and hobbies. When I considered moving away with work 18 months ago she broke down in front of me and did the same when I mentioned it again.I love her to bits as my best friend and want to save that. She means the world to me and tells me and her friends I mean the world to her and the thought of not having her as my friend is so painful. If I move away, we can see each other couple of times a year and save what we have. If I tell her, I think it will destroy it - a former friend of some years fell for her, he told her and she cut him out of her life for some months as she couldn't handle it and felt her'd ruined their friendship by telling her.Do you think moving away is right? I know it's a MAJOR thing to do but I don't see an alternative.Thanks for reading!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): Can you not stay, but just get it into your head that 'friends' is all you'll ever be. She clearly sees you as a very good friend which is great (friendship being wonderful and sometimes more long lasting than relationships). Sometimes these 'passions' for people can pass. Could it be that because neither of you have a special person in your lives at the moment this is all heightened. But moving away is the only way to cope if you feel you are being constantly unsettled by being near her. I would not tell her your inner feelings regarding this, unless you want to risk losing that special friendship.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): OP here, sorry if I wasn't clear.Everyone thinks we would be the perfect couple. Even our respective parents. I have developed feelings for her - she doesn't know this - but a mutual friend once asked her if she'd ever thought about the two of us getting together and she said she wouldn't want that.The fact that everyone keeps telling us how perfect we are for each other makes things harder and because we share mutual friends and hobbies, just simple distancing isn't really possible. So, no, I don't want to ask her out because the answer will be no and she may well want nothing to do with me (as with a former friend who asked her out). What I want to do is try and ensure our friendship continues and I can move on because she is too important to me to lose as my friend. Hence the idea of moving away - I can keep in touch but only see her occasionally.
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