I want to save my marriage, but my husband and his sister say they're happier without me!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family, Marriage problems, Three is a crowd, Trust issues

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Question - (13 April 2015)

6 Answers - (Newest, 14 April 2015)

A female age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Iwe had long distance relationship for two n half years, before we got married. We were supposed to move together one month after marriage. My husband told me the third day of our marriage that few days ago he had slept with his ex colleague on a trip he had.

I was very hurt but decided to give our marriage a chance.

His 18 year old sister was moving with us the second day of my moving in with him, to complete her last year of high school.

I asked my husband to delay her, as I was very upset and needed some time alone with him.

But he refused saying her school was starting.

Since then for next two months he spent morning till late night with her.. Cooking breakfast for her, after work going to gym( I had knee ache so could not join them for the first few months. And then coaching her for her studies. I didn't even get time to talk to my husband in private.

Whenever I would talk about this, he would get upset and rude.

His sister n me we used to spend time together. But not after my husband started involving her in our fights.

One night I had it enough, n I asked him why is he even spending four five hours in bed with me.. I could sleep in her room n she can sleep in ours!!

My husband n his family decided to put me away. And sent me to his another sister's house for two weeks.. We started getting ok on the phone.

When I came back it was little better. However her sister never left us alone. She would be in her room all day. And come out before my husband arrived. Sit n sleep on sofa. While we were there. My husband acted weird and rude to me around her.

Now he sent me for fixing my teeth to my country saying he didn't have money. However I found out that he went on one short trip n one long trip to Mexico with her, within a month.

I didn't have any idea of his trip to Mexico. I found that out, when I couldn't get through to him for two days n his phone went on Spanish network. Even a girl picked up his phone, which he denies.

When I sent him messages, that I knew where he was. He blocked mine n my family's numbers for three days. He first said he went with his friends n now he changed the statement that he went alone. However from his mom's group messages I found that him n his sister had gone together.

Since then he has been talking about separation. He says that his sister is miserable with me n so is he.

His family n friends advised him to leave me, as they think I'm a bad person.

He even told me on several occasions that he was attracted to other women, wanted to sleep with them n even thought of having an affair.

I have been upset from the time he told me he cheated on me.

His friends told him that I'm trying to make him chose between his family and myself.

However I have been the one who always asks my husband and his sister to respect their parents coz they are always talking bad about them.

Let me clear that all his family had two to three divorces, mom dad sister even friends.

He didn't even tell them until after we were married, about our marriage, as he said they were weird.

He even said before marriage that he didn't want to be like them n was ashamed of his family members.

I had good time with him around two months before I left.

But he says he was miserable spending time with me. He and his sister do not want me there as they are very happy being in the house without me.

I didn't have a clue about all this, I thought everything was fine!

Until he went to Mexico. He has started talking about divorce since then n is very rude to me. I want to save my marriage but don't know what to do.

View related questions: affair, cheated on me, divorce, his ex, long distance, money

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2015):

Yes , I agree I don't deser this.. But I believe in love.. when two people come together because of true love, it is not right to throw it away, due to the things u see that are good for you... As its stupidity, it's being shortsighted... True love is forever, marriage is forever, if u don't have the commitment don't get into it.. If u get into it, have the courage to face the problems... Love can overcome everything... All u need to be is strong n keep fighting.. In the end if your love is true, ul be happy... All good permanent things come with struggle... Every strong relationship goes through it.. Maybe it's just a test, which permits you to enjoy ur love till the end of your life... N if you give up... You keep on going in circles with different relationships, until u understand love...which is accepting the person you love as he or she is n live the best with all this..