| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi,My name is Sue and I have a little problem: my 13 year old son really likes my friend's daughter (who is 16). They are always meeting up, even though they go differents schools (about 3 times a week). They are always at each others' side and when they're not, they're on the internet talking to each other. This girl has a past of sleeping with boys but is single at the moment. My daughter (she's 11) says that my son and the girl have already kissed and touched each other privately. Is my son getting dragged into something he shouldn't? Should I stop them seeing each other?My son is very intelligent and sensible but this girl is not that clever and quite immature. Her mother says that my son is having a good influence on her, and she said they're bound to experiment a little. It's just the hormones! But recently my son has become really sad when she is too busy to go out, he really likes her but does she feel the same? My son has also become very defiant towards me and his dad and won't accept that anyone has authority over him. Should I intervere and tell him it goes no further, or speak to her and say that she isn't to have any sexual relationship with my son?I do not really wish to have my son engaging in sexual activity but I know how mature he is. When I found a packet of condoms under his bed, at first I went mad but he explained that he believes it's safer to have some "just in case". I'm really worried about my son getting hurt now. When the relationship does end I know he will be heartbroken as it's his first real relationship with a girl. How do I cheer him up, because he was talking to me and said that if he split up with this girl it would be like she had died, gone forever, never coming back.Any advice is appreciated.Thankyou , Worried Mum
View related questions:
condom, heartbroken, immature, split up, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2006): I would say you're being slightly unreasonable here. How much was the age gap between you and any partners you had.
Tennage relationships like this never last anyway, how would you feel if your parents said 'you can go out with him, but not him,' I know you wouldn't like it.
Let your son have a little fun, he's coming up to some important exams in school and is probably worrying. Let him come home to a girlfriend.
A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (4 January 2006):
 if you dont want your son involved in a sexual relationship at 13 you would be being a great parent by putting your foot down and saying no, i know it can be hard to turn down your children for things and to feel like you are the one causing them hurt but as parents this is our job and if we dont protect them who will.
...............................
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (4 January 2006):
Hi there,
First of all it seems like you have raised a very smart boy so far! Congradualations on you and your husband for doing that.
First of all, this girl doesn't seem like the best of all girls he could be dating, does she? You have already noticed the changes in him as a person and that he may be engaging or soon will be in sexual acitivies with her.
This girl doesn't seem like the best person for a first time love, does it. She has slept around with many guys already, so, there are chances of him catchign a STD if protection isn't used and you have to think about the chances of her getting pregnant.
Plus she doesn't seem like the person to be in a relationship does she, as she has sleeped around a fair bit sounds like it. I don't think shes the type of girl you son should be involved with.
Yet having said that, he sounds like hes become quite dependent on her, or is 'in love', as he is quite upset when shes not around. But that is normal, especially in first time relationships with teens. And really at the start of any relationship, you want to spend all your time with that special someone, its like you can't get sick of them!
If I was you, I wouldnt as to worried about the sexual part, more about the other changes you have noticed in him, yet at 13, don't all teenagers change? You have to think if these changes are really that bad and are they coming fro mthis girl?
I think that you should stop the relationship altogether, or atleast just make them be only friends, yet how you will ever be able to do that? I wouldn't have a clue sorry.
You can't always protect your children unfortunaly, but you can try your best and thats all yo ucan do. He will get hurt in his life, he will get heartbroekn by a girl, we all do, but its a part of growing up and remember teeangers, especialy with there first bf/gf, tend to over exaduate the effect of what it will ahve if they get dumped, or it does seem bigger as its there first time. But it isn't the end of the world. Just be there to support him, and remind him of all the positive things.
So if you can't stop him from seeing her, yet I suggest you try somehow, as she might be having a bad influence on him, then you just have to stay being the best and strongest role model you can, and make it clear of how he should be, and help him get through the end of the relationship.
But remember, your son will get through it, think back to your first love, surely it isn't your husband now is it.
...............................
A
male
reader, Joe  +, writes (4 January 2006):
i'm only 18 and still going out with my "first love" who i've known since i was 14-15.
your son sounds like he knows the ins and outs about sex and you say he's mature but when it comes to love IMHO no one is mature, just like you and your husband you may be mature but if you and your husband were to suddenly spilt you'd turn into that 13 year old boy who was talking to you about what would happen if he lost his girlfriend.
you also say the girls mother said to you he having a good infulence on her but it also seems she is having a infulence on him as he has become defiant towards his own parents but in time he will learn we were all once teenagers (could say i still am lol) who never listened to their parents, with that you should also then if you are to tell your son you can no longer see this girl theres only one thing he is going to do don't you think?.
it's perfectly natural that your worrying about your son in his first relationship but if it happens to be his first sexual relationship you and your husband should sit him down and make sure you go over everything him and tell him IF you have NEVER do it unprotected.
it's natural what he is going through and he needs to go through it because if you cover him up in a wooly blanket then he will never have the strength emotionally to handle stuff like eventually one day losing his PARENTS.
...............................
|
