A
female
age
36-40,
*adyPinky
writes:So my boyfriend and I have been dating a year and one month. We are both 24 living at home with parents. He moved up here from flordia to start fresh in a new place. I know everyone says this but we are very much in love and plan to be with each other the rest of our lives. We talk about marriage and kids all the time. I finally got a job in the felid I went to school for and am now making enough money that im looking to move out of my parents house soon. Hes finishing up his Bachlors and works full time as well.Heres the issue I want to start looking for a place together now or in the near futer ie a couple of months or so. He says he does not want to abanndon his dad after all he has done for him letting him move up here and live with him etc etc. This frustrates me so much cause one mintue he talks about getting married and then the next mintue hes telling me wait on everything. I feel like we are stuck in this rut of seeing each other once a week, haveing sex and then just hanging out watching tv or whatever. I need to know if I should wait for him or if I should just move out on my own and see what happens.
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female
reader, LadyPinky +, writes (6 October 2010):
LadyPinky is verified as being by the original poster of the question The main reason we only see each other once a week is I work 63 hours a week at two jobs. And he works nights and goes to school. We live about 45 mintues from each other.
Im not in a rush to get married. Would I like to marry him yes but im not expecting jim to pop the question tomarrow or anything. I know it will happen in time thats why Im trying to back off about liveing right now its just getting harder to not bother him about it for some reason.
At one point I was planning on moveing out perhaps buying a house and he told me to wait for him to do both. He told me wait three years which seems like such a long time to me. But I know its realy not.
The other thing is I think he likes liveing at his dads cause he can spend money on anything he wants like his car. Since we met he has poured over 3000 dollars into that car ad plans to spend another 3000 by the spring. Its his money and I have no say in what he does with it but he also had 40,000 in school loans to pay off which he is doing nothing about at the moment. The car is the main thing we fight about, in some ways i feel like im second to the car. But he understands how I feel about the car and such.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010): Seeing each other once a week sounds like a long way from settling down together. If he now lives nearer, why can't you be together more? You both need to talk about this, as it sounds contradictory. You need to know what he really wants, and go by his actions, not just his words.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010): His dad very well could have gone through plenty of trouble to help him move in with him. Also, your boyfriend doesn't seem to have a stable a job as you do, if he's still in college and working. He might be worried about affording half the rent, utilities and food expenses, etc.
Ask him if he has any concerns or worries about moving in rather than pestering him to move things forward. Go ahead and find yourself a great apartment, furnish it and ENJOY living in a space that's completely yours. Then, when he's comfortable and the pressure is off him, he might feel better about making such a big decision.
You're only 24, and you've just started your career. What's the rush to get married?
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (6 October 2010):
 Does your BF not want to move out with you, or not move out of his parents' home at all? There's a difference. If it's the first one, and he doesn't want to live with you, it means that he's not ready for that step in your relationship. Sure, you've talked about marriage and kids, but that's just talk. I doubt that he's even ready for that. Moving in together is a big step, and also a big step towards the other things he may not be ready for.
There's no need to pester him about it. If you're ready to move out of your parents' home and can afford to do that on your own, then do it. Show your boyfriend that your life continues even if he can't make a choice whether to continue it with you or not.
What you shouldn't do is 'convince' him to move in with you for convenience, finances, etc. That spells disaster immediately. He needs to be ready on his own and he needs to come to the party without you pushing him to it.
If I was you and I was ready to move out, I would start looking at places now. Tell your boyfriend what you've decided and don't ask him if he agrees, if he wants to move in with you, etc.
In time he will either realize that he is ready to take that step with you or he won't. Either way, you won't end up wasting your time waiting for him to make his mind up.
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