A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have met a man on line - we've been talking since February and would like to meet. He is in Rome, Italy and I am in Hertfordshire, UK. We've spoken over the phone and I've checked him out (I wasn't meaning to be devious but I had to do it for safety reasons I felt ..) to double check he is who he says he is and his employers are how he says they are etc ... so we have moved onto the next stage which is meeting up. I happen to be going to Italy with friends in July and he can't really get to the UK til Oct/Nov because of work pressure plus exams as well ..... (i suppose he could at a push if no other option) so i agreed to meet him when i go in August .. I really want to to go Italy anyway and want to meet him because our interaction has really made me feel good (i've met loads of people offline and online, in UK, Italy, all places but there is a 'something' with him) but I guess i'm kind of getting caught up in 'rules' - some of my friends say i should make him come here first before agreeing to meet him there, others say do what feels ok but just be safe. Does it matter who travels to who first?? He said I can go to him anytime, stay as long as I want, he'll pick me up and drive me around, take me out etc.... I want to go and it feels ok but i'm just wondering do my other friends have a point when they say i should make him come here for a weekend first before visiting him or meeting him there! Initially we had talked about him coming here first ... Any advice would be welcomed.... I have posted on her before about 3 months ago and got some really balanced, reasonable advice so I've come back here ... Thanks :) xx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): from the original poster: thanks so much for your replies... i was getting a bit caught up in the idea about him proving he really likes me by coming here ... a couple of friends were saying if a man really likes you he should do all the running and make the first travel effort etc ... but he said if i do go out there he will do everything i want & he will come to UK later in the year (that is so long as we do actually spark in person i guess ..) thanks - your views are balanced & reasonable which is what i found before on this site :) xx
A
male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (18 June 2008):
 I think that my opinion is a little more of the opposite... I think it doesn't really matters who steps first on the other's soil. I would be more concerned if you were heading into this completely blind... like you hadn't checked him out at all or you met him online a week before you left the UK.
I'm often the one for moving on a feeling and in this case it feels good. Go ahead and meet face to face. If you and your friends are going to be in the same place, and it feels more comfortable, have them in the same restaurant where you meet for the first time, watching from a safe distance... yeah, it's a bit James Bond, but at least you know somebody's got your back if something goes wrong. It would probably make them feel more comfortable as well...
Go for it!! Have fun, be safe!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): Yes, I agree with what the other aunt has said.
Its an especially good idea to go to Italy with friends and stay in the same hotel with them. I would strongly recommend that you NOT stay at his place, not even overnight - unless a friend or two goes with you for an evening or afternoon visit. Nor would it be a good idea to have sex with him on your first trip, (even if he comes to England) no matter if you might want to.
Remember, although you have checked him out, he is essentially still a stranger. You can't be too careful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): Thanks India, i am the person who posted the question - i am planning to go and stay with friends and just meet him out there but i will be based with friends ... xx
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (18 June 2008):
 Hi there,
Well, I would feel the same way you do. Whether or not it's fair or weird, for your own safety reasons, you'd like him to come visit you first. If he makes a proficient amount of money, this shouldn't be any problem. I think that he should come here to ease any fears you may have.
If he can't afford it, or whatever, you should take a few of your friends out there (who wouldn't want to take a vacation to Rome?!) so that you can have people around while you get to know him.
I think for your safety, and to put your mind at ease, you should ask him to come here, or to have you visit with friends for a week.
Good luck!
xx India
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): It sounds to be safe enough. when you go to italy you should meet up with him, but you should probably have a friend go with you when you do. and when you finally feel comfortable with him then there should be no other doubts. and if there still are then make sure your friend tags along with you where ever you go.
The best of luck!!!
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