A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months. before we were an item we were friends for a year, i was with someone else but my current boyfriend was head over heels with me saying how much he wanted me to be his wife and how he would take care of me (ex complete bas**** and my boyfriend now was then a shoulder to cry on). i was single for 6 months before we became an item - he then asked me to go on holiday and it wasn't until then that i fell for him and i moved in a week later (soon i know but it just felt right and some could say its a rebound but i really do love him). we get on fabulously despite him being 20 years older than me - i havent asked a question for a lecture so please don't go into age difference...if you have kids then he will be dead when the childs ten etc, my family approve and I'm happy with him as a person. What i really need advice on is that he says he wants to always be my man but never talks about marriage anymore - if i mention it all i get back is 'one day'. financially we have just enough money to get by every week but i genuinely thought if that wasn't an issue he'd propose. today we were having breakfast and i said ' you're so lovely, i really want to marry you' (i was really overwhelmed and feel so much love for him, i love feeling warm inside), he replied 'yeah', i said 'is that all you can say', he then said 'when it feels right we will' so i said 'if we won the lottery would you not propose'? he said 'not yet, when it feels right', i then burst into tears (i never cry i don't know what came over me). i thought when you fall for the love of your life you know its right? does he not love me? he never even comforted me when i was crying but he said he never wants to be without me. i don't understand :( when i was with my ex he always told me he wanted me to be his wife.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 June 2012):
 I really think you should ask him this, not us. Ask him why he talked about marriage, and why he said he wanted to marry you, before you became a couple. But that NOW, all he has to say is "yeah"?!?
You are the one who knows him best, so you're the one who should know if this man can be trusted or not. It's one thing that he hasn't proposed, after all it's only been 8 months. It's too soon for marriage. BUT, the big but here, is that he told you he wanted to marry you BEFORE you two even became a couple. So he appeared to have already made his mind then. And now he's changed his mind, or had a change of hearts? Perhaps he doesn't love you as much as he thought he did.
Anyway, regardless of your feelings of love for him: WAIT with the big commitments. Wait at least a year. Preferably a year and a half, or more. It takes about that long to get to know a person real deep down, and see all their ugly sides as well as the good. Sure, you love him for all you've seen so far, but you HAVEN'T seen it all. This sort of whimsical attitude is just one side that you've come to discover. You though he wanted to marry you.. and now all he has to say is "yeah".
Wait with thoughts of marriage until you find out what else he's changed his mind about. And ASK HIM, what is going on and why he wont talk about marriage now, but did before. It almost sounds as if he only spoke about marriage to make you fall in love with him, without ever really meaning it.
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