A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys I've been in a relationship for 4 years now with my boyfriend. He is not really great as a bf but then i love him to bits and we have a bond that will keep us together forever. he's mean to me at times and cares more about his own feelings than mine. We had a major fight on the weekend over text (its a LDR). We almost broke up and i was crying all weekend and though he said we are together, he didn't want to talk to me. I'm the one who apologizes all the time to make him talk normal to me. I'm the one who is always sweet and caring to him while he's very less romantic and a little immature for his age. (I'm 21 and he's 25). The fight was still on from his side and on tuesday night I was on a talk to strangers site to distract myself. Cos i was fed up of talking to my friends about my problem and wanted more ppl to talk to. And since strangers would be more honest, I set out to have conversations. But after a while I ended up talking to this guy who was nice and we ended up having an intense and a little emotional sex chat just by text. Even now if i look back and think of our conversation i can't believe how intense it was.. Though i dont know who he was and have not seen or heard him, I've been feeling very very guilty and a little disconnected from my boyfriend. (it's been 4 months since we got a chance to make out/have sex, we met but had no place to even kiss). I am very confused about my guilt and disconnectivity.Now the fight got over yesterday, he is there for me when I need his love and support what ever else be the matter and he's a great guy. He has a lot of responsibilities on him from his family too. We want to marry each other at the end of the day. But his only problem is that he never appreciates my efforts/ compliments me...he says he's not the type who does so (and i know hes not orally expressive). However when he has to find faults about my looks or behavior in front of people he is the first one to tell me, and that too in a rude way (i'm a bit hyper and talkative). Look wise, he expects me to perfect myself ..he considers me beautiful and wants me keep it up and maintain while i keep putting on and losing weight and sometimes wear stupid clothes. I get really offended when anybody critisises my body/looks , i was bullied a lot in my childhood and take it very negatively. (he knows that too) but keeps advicing me to change my thinking,.please tell me how to get over these complications and make things work for us! I never again would go to such sites again, i feel horrible abt myself but if i confess to him, it would blow up matters more!
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (26 April 2014):
I don't really see much of a relationship here even by indian standards. I don't think he supports you like a MAN should but if you wanted a teenager relationship then this is perfect. I also think because your emotions are easily swayed, it may be causing him much frustration as he does not know how to help you.
All I can advise is to come forward with him and tell him calmly how you feel. The goal isn't to nag or belittle him but explain how you feel. Be sure to mention how he can help. I think if he is a good boyfriend, he will listen to your suggestions.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2014): Hi!Thanks a lot for the advice...I agree with the part that he's hardly putting in any efforts. I just find it so hard to leave him. Maybe because he's only my second boyfriend in all my life (the first that I had sex with) and we've been together for long.I had decided to break up a few weeks back, but then his mom has cancer ryt now and he's going through a lot to treat her. In the mean while I also feel selfish for having fought with him...once, i guess 2 months back when I started fighting with him he got a lil drunk and texted stuff like I don't have a heart and things..To anonymous... nope thats not me, I guess our writings are similar cos she's also an indian!..my bf never cheated on me and neither have I. (unless talking sex to a stranger on omegle is considered cheating!!!) :( Anyways...i'm waiting for things to get alright for him ..and until then I just thought i'd try my last bit to save us. I'm also ready to go for a little professional counselling because I do have the habit of being negative, crying for no reason, being depressed and influenced by other ppl's negative experiences ...pls don't laugh at my stupidity but I also get influenced by stuuff happening on TV shows and sometimes act pissed off and insecure wiith my bf because I saw somebody cheat on tv!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2014): "But his only problem is that he never appreciates my efforts/ compliments me...he says he's not the type who does so (and i know hes not orally expressive). However when he has to find faults about my looks or behavior in front of people he is the first one to tell me, and that too in a rude way (i'm a bit hyper and talkative). Look wise, he expects me to perfect myself .."
Huh? He criticises your looks? What??? He does it in front of other people too? I wouldn't hang around a guy who does that for very long.. marry him? I think you need to take a step back..
You're not the same person who wrote about their partner cheating are you? If you are, yikes, you have even more reasons to say bye bye...
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/if-i-break-up-ill-hurt-if-i.html
Your posts have a very familiar style to them..
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (25 April 2014):
 Your "relationship" sounds SO one-sided.... makes me think of trying to "clap with one hand."
Why work so hard? .... when HE isn't working, at all????
Drop him and find a nice guy. You'll be doing better when you have a "boyfriend" who treats you nicely enough that you don't have to write a submittal like this...
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (25 April 2014):
I don't understand why you're fighting for a guy who doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated. You do realize that you can find someone who will treat you right AND you'll "Love to bits"?
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