A
male
age
41-50,
*monty78
writes:My ex girlfriend and I split on January 10th. We had been together for a little over a year. We lived together 5 months of this period but both moved back in with our parents temporarily to get our finances back on track, then I was going to buy us a home this coming summer. I had also purchased an extremely beautiful and expensive engagement ring for her.Out of the blue she broke up with me after the holidays, stating she needed to take time to herself to try and go back to school, get a new car and focus on her daughter. I also needed to get my ducks in a row as well. We agreed to remain friends as we were best friends, and we would possibly try and make things work a few months later. However, after talking for days and then feeling like she would completely blow me off, and then talking again (this went on for a month), it was killing me inside and I gave her a very nice letter telling her I had to cut contact for a while until she decided what she wanted.Two weeks later she deleted me from her Myspace, I know, this sounds childish, but I also found it strange as we were so close. I didn't react to it, thinking maybe it was her way of getting me to contact her. A week later she calls me (I didn't know her new number after she gave me the phone back I was paying for, for her). She left a voicemail asking to arrange a time to come get her stuff, and the next day I told her my schedule was too busy, it would have to be the following week. We texted back and forth a little that night, then I didn't hear from her til the next week. She said it would have to be the following week. We have texted once a week for 3 weeks discussing getting together for her to pick up her things.She has yet to come get them, saying she is busy all the time. I am beginning to wonder if she contacted me just to see if maybe I would talk to her, I dont know.I became curious (I know this is going to sound terrible), so I logged onto her myspace and facebook accounts and have read several of her emails to a friend, basically being kind of ''blah'' telling her shes lonely, and she is sick of all the ''pigs'' and wants a man who is ready to be a family and have another child with her.The thing is.......I am that man!!! I am still so in love with her, and she consumes my thoughts literally every minute of my day. I am going crazy I miss her so much, and want to try again, and be the family we were working on trying to be before some of our problems arose. Now that we have both gotten things in our lives straightened out for the better, how do I go about telling her how I feel about her, and how much I want to make it work, without sounding needy or desperate?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (24 March 2009):
So this is how the whole thing went from her perspective.
You moved out again and she found she didn't miss you / you didn't miss her. She had not guarantee you were coming back apart from the fact that YOU wanted to buy a house and she could come and live there.
She decided she had to put herself first so broke up with you. You said "ok lets be friends"
You contacted her for possible hook ups / just to chat.
You said I can't be friend with you any more.
She deleted you from myspace so you wouldn't feel bad if she got a new guy on there.
She asks for her stuff back, you say "yeah come and get it"
Now you are asking why she does not see you as the settling down type?
At what point have you fought for this relationship, asked her not to end it, told her how you love her and always will?
She's not psychic and if you don't go and make a play to get her back then you are going to have lost her for good. Yes you will look desperate.
But if I dumped my husband I should bloody well hope he'd be desperate to get me back. If he came along all cool and stood waiting for me to come running back like a good girl then he'd be waiting a long time.
There is a chance that with her new freedom she realised she just doesn't love you any more, and will not want you back.
But the only way you can find out is if you go and try.
Send her flowers with a note saying "I never stop thinking about you." Turn up at her door and tell her you still love her. Hire a skywriter. Come up with something that will win her heart over, and if she comes back to you then give it a month and then hurry up and get down on one knee!
Good Luck!! xx
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