A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi, ive been dating this guy for 8 months now but thing is, he's not my ideal man when it comes to his looks. am not trying to be shallow but i cant help noticing that am 2 inches taller than him. ave always wanted my guy to be taller than me cos it makes me very comfortable. ave dated guys who were all taller than me and with them i never had to fantasize about any other guy. however my bf is the sweetest so far. he would do anything for me, hes caring, loving. he never complains or shouts at me when i do anything wrong. hes rich and he takes care of me because am not from a rich home and i appreciate everything. sometimes i feel i love him(esp. when we talk on the phone, more than 5hrs each day) but other times i feel i dont love him esp. when am seen with him cos somehow we dnt match when it comes to our looks and it makes me feel uncomfortable. am not braggn but am pretty n a model. i confronted him n even tried breakn up twice but he tells me he loves me n cnt let me go.my mom likes him. What should i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 March 2011):
 Why did you start dating him? Try to think about that, he was shorter than you when you accepted to date him, so what were your reasons?In my experience, there are a certain number of physical things you can overlook, as long as the total package is great. But, don't force yourself to feel comfortable about something you just don't feel comfortable with. It's not shallow. It's about what you feel comfortable with, and what you like. We all have tastes, and it's allowed to have that. If we were to only base our interest in people on their personalities we'd be saints, not humans. Figure out what you want in a guy, and if this man matches 9 out of 10, then perhaps the high is worth it? You must decide how important it is for you! No one gets to tell you you are shallow, or that you have to be with him, if he's not what you want. I will also say though, that after 8 months you do not fully know him yet. I was in a relationship once with a man I was not physically attracted to, but I loved his personality, so I stuck by him and learned to love his looks as well. But after a year I came to discover that he wasn't a great person after all. So, that solved that problem. What Im saying is that as you get to know this man better, his high may or may not be the biggest problem in the relationship. And perhaps he will do things that will make you forget his hight.
A
female
reader, Ima FreAk!  +, writes (24 March 2011):
 Hiyaaa,It's alright if you don't like something about someone I'm pretty sure we have things that we like and don't like but remember that everyone has flaws even yourself. We all have things we like and things we hate like I love my hair but I hate my height (I'm pretty short... in fact very short haha).If you truly love your boyfriend you shouldn't care about looks because it's personality that counts. His heart will shine through like a diamond.When you feel uncomfortable about this look, try to find things you like about him like eyes, lips, jaw line... because it's rare to find someone that likes you for who you truly are so don't let go of him for one little flaw he has!Think big, think about how much you love him and how he loves you because no matter what love can take over all the flaws, so long as you guys are happy together it's a perfect world!Hope my advice helps!Good luck!Lots of love,Ima FreAk!x
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A
female
reader, dezzi1210 +, writes (24 March 2011):
I had this exact same problem I'm afraid about 2 years ago - absolutely the sweetest guy I have and will ever meet, but it was the way he looked that kinda put me off. I managed to dump him after 2 months but he was heartbroken. I felt really bad though because I tried really hard to like him despite his looks but in the end I couldn't pretend anymore and had to end it. I even regret saying yes in the first place because it hurt him so much.What you need to do is think: am I just pretending to fully like this guy? If his looks are putting you off too much you just have to admit that you can't date a guy who isn't good looking. It may be harsh but it may be true. It sounds like you're trying but it's not working - you have to give up soon because the longer you pretend and essentially lie the harder it's going to get and the tougher it will be. Do you see yourself marrying him? If not, end it now. It's not going to be easy, but it's not fair on him if you don't even love him, and you can't lie. It's not a question of wanting to love someone - if you do you'll know, and if you don't, you don't. 8 months is a pretty long time to decide and know how you feel, and questioning it still is not good. And don't feel bad about being shallow - there aren't many people who'll go out with someone they don't find attractive.Good luck - I'm sure he'll find someone else one day who will truly love him as he is. I'm afraid it's just not you.
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