A
female
age
30-35,
*ovehelp2000
writes:I am about 17 years old and i have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. I feel like i am ready to have sex with him but i haven't discussed it with him. I feel scared that if he says no that things will become uncomfortable between us and im scared he wont like what he sees when im naked. And even if we both wanted to lose our virginity together we have no where to have sex. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it at my house and he won't feel comfortable doing it at his house.....Please help Dear cupid!!!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Boost +, writes (23 September 2013):
Judging from what you have said in your question you both haven't been very far with each other yet. I would talk about it with him maybe book a good evening or 2 away some where and even if you don't go all the way just yet getting used to what each of you like will help a lot. Even knowing what you like it'll probably be quite clumsy the first couple of times and nerves certainly kick in. I remember my first time was very nerve wracking and pretty clumsy but good none the less and after a few times we laughed about it so it's pretty normal. You've been together for some time so I'm pretty sure he will like what he sees, you'll be hard pushed to find a guy who isn't pleased to have his g/f in front of him wearing very little if anything. Having said that guys are very visual so if it concerned you that much I'm sure something nice that he hasn't seen you wear, black underwear I would say goes down well or something to keep him guessing what's underneath it. To be honest I doubt he'd be able to keep his hands off you. Stay safe and have fun. It's important to be serious on the contraception side but when it comes to sex fun is the key to it don't have a set goal in mind just go with it and you'll be fine
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 September 2013):
 Why are you not comfortable at your own house?
Maybe look into cheap hotels and take a weekend away? Or go camping?
I'd much rather do it at my own house in my own bed though, than somewhere else, but that's just me. But I understand it if there are other family members in the house, that could becomes uncomfortable. Walls are thinner than you think. That's why I, for the longest time ever, refused to have sex if parents were around. I started ignoring that personal rule after a while though, because as you become older you will find at it is impossible to never have sex in the same house as someones parents. You spend the nights, or you celebrate holidays together, I even went with my boyfriend and his family to a cabin trip. When you're sexually active it is hard to stay away from each other for a week, just because family members are around. Instead you just try to be discrete.
Come on, it's not like your parents don't have sex just because you or your siblings are at home. So when it comes down to it, it isn't really that big of a deal. Except you have to understand that if you do have sex when there are other people in the house, they will know. Walls are thin. I would recommend the shower though, because the water helps cover the noise.
So maybe have sex when you family members are out of the house or taking a shower? Just an idea. For the first time I recommend nothing fancy, but just stay on your bed. Or better yet, take your mattress and put it on the floor to avoid the squeeky sound from the bed. That sound can be very embarrassing, even for those of us more experienced. I feel like a part of a tacky porn if I hear that sound...
As for your body.. uhm, you just have to cross that bridge when you get to it, but rest assured that your boyfriend is just as uncomfortable and nervous as you are. Perhaps you should do this in a three-step-program sort of way? Step one, get undress and just touch each other and learn about each others bodies before you try to have intercourse? Step two could be to touch each others genitalia and be more hands on. Step three could be intercourse? It could help with the nervousness to take smaller steps instead of trying to do everything at once.
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A
male
reader, GentleGiant  +, writes (22 September 2013):
I understand the way you feel and having sex for the first time can be exciting , satisfying and scary because there is so much pressure to perform. From a male prospective yes i was scared the first time but it took time for me to work into it.My girlfriend like you said she was ready to get the show on the road. Sorry for the poor cliche. So find a place but before you do talk to him about this and get his feeling. You don't have to do it the first time but taking small steps will probably lead to bigger steps. I knew about my part in birth control and had the condoms. We did the bubble bath together and i felt most comfortable with this approach. The horizontal mamba was not on the menu. Us guys being visual beings when viewing the fairer sex it didn't take long for things to happen. But we did communicate and was able to express out feelings. And took it slow. I suggest you do the same somewhere private out of preying eyes and ears. I was able to borrow my uncles cabin on the lake for the weekend. This worked out great. Move forward with caution and i truly hope that it will work out well between the two of you. Keep talking and sharing your feelings and please respect each other. xoxo
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2013): By the way, just to clarify something.
If he is hesitant or seems a bit nervous and doesn't agree to it right-away; it doesn't mean he's gay. Guys get scared too.
Not sure why that had to be mentioned.
He just may be unsure about how he'll perform, and awkward if it's his very first time. He'll figure it out. Be patient with each other.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2013): If you don't have any place to do it, it certainly won't be the experience you're looking forward to. If you both care for each other timing and location is everything. It's the first time, and you certainly have to have a place where you have privacy and comfort. Don't settle from some dirty dark place like so many poor young girls.
Safe-sex should be what you talk about before you even consider doing anything. You can get pregnant on the the very first attempt at having sex. Being a mom so soon will certainly kill all the joy of becoming a woman, if you miss a period.
Make sure you have condoms, and find a place where you won't be discovered by hysterical parents, or siblings who will surely rat you out. Don't do anything until you have all your ducks in a row, and you are both on the same page about it. If it's a little messy or awkward, that's totally normal. If you lose your nerve, that's okay too.
Oh, he'll be willing. No doubt about that. He won't have to worry about what to do about a fetus growing in his body. He won't have to explain how he lost his hymen to his parents after a gynecologist appointment. Just be sure you're the one who is truly ready.
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A
female
reader, Outcast23  +, writes (22 September 2013):
Honestly I think u should wait I lost my virginity a year ago and yes it was good but I still wish I would of waited until me and my boyfriend of four years would of been married but just like u I thought I was ready to
And I'm sure he thinks ur beautiful no matter what because like u I had that same insecurity anyways I hope this helps (:
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2013): " I feel like i am ready to have sex with him but i haven't discussed it with him."
I feel like you are not ready to have sex with him, because you haven't discussed it with him.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (21 September 2013):
I can safely say that every single issue you named is really not an issue unless your boyfriend is actually gay.
He wants to have sex with you, trust me.
He already has an idea of what you look like naked. And guys are waaaaay less critical of their woman's body than she is.
He'll likely be willing to have sex at his place, since it means he'll be having sex!
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (21 September 2013):
 I know this is difficult for you, but if you can't discuss this with your boyfriend then maybe the relationship isn't at "that" stage yet.
Before you worry about where you must make sure that you have both talked through contraception choices and decided what you're going to use.
It's quite normal to worry about your body being acceptable but, trust me, he WILL like what he sees. If he's in any way unkind about your body then you have to consider if he's really the right guy to lose your virginity too.
As for where that's the problem. You need to be somewhere safe, clean and comfortable. You say you wouldn't feel comfortable doing it at your house but you're only assuming he wouldn't be comfortable at his as you said you haven't discussed it with him yet.
If you're right and he doesn't want to do it at his house then you will have to consider whether you can afford to book into a hotel room or similar.
There has to be an element of planning for your first time, in regards to contraception and location, but there's also a lot to be said for a bit of spontaneity once those things are in place.
Talk to your boyfriend about this and as a couple decide what to do.
I hope this helps AB x
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