A
female
age
51-59,
*assie666
writes:I have a problem, my partner of 6 months has a daughter from previous relationship, the child is nearly 3,he has his little one 2 nights a week, we have kept this completly seprate from our relationship, he has now asked me to move in with him, also has started speaking about meeting his daugher, there is one highly strung ex whom texts and calls most days, they argue alot, again he tries to keep this well away from me, i have a daughter who is 20, she lives away from home, she has never met him either.The ex will go mad at him if he moves in with me, i am worried that his daughter will pick up on this and dislike me, he is not very secure and has to know where i am all the time, apart from this we have a wonderful relationship, if i move in with him am i going to feel second best, is it worth causing all the frition between mother and father and daughter, should i be feeling so negative about it?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): Gather advice from stepmoms who have gone the distance.
I could tell you what I think, but stepmoms whom share the same values as yourself are your most valuable resource right now.
A
female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (28 July 2010):
you have only been dating for 6 months so why not take things slow, you dont need to rush into living together.
maybe trying introducing yourself to the daughter by just beeing there one night when she is round, watch a dvd just the three of you, I wouldn't suggest staying though on that night as it will get back to the ex because by the sounds of things she is likely to ask the child.
get use to doing things as the three of you and maybe stay over at weekendsand get use to being around each other alot.
slowly increase the nights you stay over his or vice versa and then maybe once you have been together a year you will know if you want to take the next step.
The ex is not in the equasion of your relationship, you should not let her influence your relationship.
The only way she could turn the child against you is if you give her reason to, this is a 3 yr old child, just be nice to her and even if she is being a real little terror (like some three yr old can be) then it is for her father to deal with and not you. This way for the time being your are not seen as the bad guy or as the person who is trying to fill her mothers shoes.
If you really like this man then make a go of things but take it slowly.
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A
female
reader, Shawzwarden  +, writes (28 July 2010):
Meeting the daughter is a big step but moving in with him is even bigger. I would say meet the daughter and spend some time with the two of them for quiet some time before making a bigger committment to your fellow. If things go well after months of sharing his time with his daughter then you can make a bigger decision. I would also say that lving with him before marriage could jepordize his visitation with his daughter. If his ex wife is very controlling, she may use your living with him as a target to block visitation with him. Be aware that some courts have looked at this as a reason to limit visitation in the past. Go slow and consider what the of relationhip you want to have with him and her. My husband and I moved in together before we were married and his ex did block the visitation when i was present overnight. This was a big issue until we were married. Either I had to leave the home when she was visiting or my husband had to take her somewhere overnite. It was bad for her and our relationship. Eight years later, we are just now recovering from all the damage caused from moving in together.
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