A
male
age
51-59,
*alo73
writes:I'm a 35y man living with my younger partner and over the last year or so I've realised that I'm not in love with her anymore although I know she thinks the world of me. We were only together a couple of weeks when she fell pregnant and we now have a beautiful 2 year old daughter who means everything to me. I do get on with my partner but as times gone on I've realised we are very different people with very little in common. What makes it worse is she had a bad start to life in a loveless environment so I know she deserves to be genuinely loved for once. If I left I know it would break her heart and it would break mine to leave my daughter behind. If it wasn't complicated enough, we've just discovered she's expecting again. I really want to live as a happy family but I'm finding it very hard to keep pretending... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Notsosunny  +, writes (14 March 2011):
So I just ready your story and find that I'm in a similar situation with my husband of 18 years. I've stayed with him because he's a great father and husband...but I'm not in love with him. And the word I keep using the word "pretending" too. I'm curious what did you do and how are you now?
A
male
reader, Halo73 +, writes (21 July 2009):
Halo73 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for the advice. I know it makes sense although it's not what I really wanted to hear.
I know we should've been more careful and I also agree that it is so wrong to bring another child into a one-sided - albeit stable - relationship. I've really thought about what you said and deep down I know I should come clean but alternatively, I also need to be there while my children grow up and I believe their happiness and need for development outweighs our need to be in an idyllic relationship. Being there just on weekends wouldn't be enough and what sort of man would I be to walk out on a pregnant woman?
I know I should be truthful but at the moment it's only me that is suffering inside, whereas if i walked away it would not only devastate my partner but it would make life financially very difficult for her. This would then obviously have massive repurcussions for the children, and like you say, they are the innocent ones in all of this. I need to stay and reap what I've sown.
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A
female
reader, busy04 +, writes (20 July 2009):
 You know, the worst thing that you can do is to continue leading this woman on with a false pretense that you are happy with her. If you stay, you are only going to end up keeping what you truly feel inside, and you say you don't want to hurt her but eventually you will & it will lead to a very nasty breakup. Everyone hurts when a breakup happens, it's not easy to swallow, but time heals. Tell this women how you really feel.
And just because you have a child does not mean that you truly have to be with this woman. It would be nice for children to grow up in a 2 parent home, but if the parents are not totally on the same page with their love each other, that will affect the children in a not so good way. And you don't have to leave your daughter behind, she is still your responsibility! You have to be in her life and the one on the way! And you should feel honestly kinda ashamed that you didn't take precautions as to not impregnate this woman again! If you knew for over the last year that you weren't in love! You are bringing one more innocent life into this situation. I am not trying to condemn you.
Don't pretend, let her go before you end up doing something you truly will regret. Sit down & talk to her, please stop pretending. Let her go.
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