A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm hoping for some insight, anbody please! I've been married for 15 years to a kind, reliable man. I knew at the time of our wedding I was making a mistake as I didn't love him as much as I should have. For the past 15 years I've thought about leaving but just can't bring myself to do it. About 2 years into our marriage I had a 9 month affair that ended very badly with both spouses finding out. My husband and I reconciled after this but I was left riden with guilt, consequently I resolved to try and make the marriage work even though I didn't really want to be there I put off having children because I didn't wan't to bring children into a marriage that I never knew if I was coming or going. By the time I hit 39 yrs I knew if I was going to have children I had to do it and now I have a beautiful 3 year old daughter. Still, I want to leave my marriage. I seem to have a block about it. I just can't! Financially, I think I could swing it. I wake up everyday and ask myself if I still want to be thinking about leaving when I'm 60. I fear that is where I am going to end up.
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male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (15 June 2007):
 We can't help you or the 33 year old responder... both of you have had so many chances to do the right thing but always chose the wrong thing. Now, you have brought an innocent child into your world of hurt.
Despite all of the screaming of your inner voice you just REFUSED to listen. If you really want to improve your situation, be honest with the person that stares back at you in the mirror.
Guilt is a useless emotion unless it drives you to choose the right path. But you wear guilt like this sick badge of honour.
You should fear turning 60 and still contemplating leaving. It will have meant you've never grown into someone who has self-respect and self-love. How sad.
Despite these harsh words I still wish you luck. Take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): I am 33 and in the same situation, but my husband never found out about my affairs. I am in love with this guy I've been seeing for 3 years and he is in the same situation as us. I don't have the heart to ruin my husband life, he as well is very loving, kind, trustworthy man. I don't feel that it is fair to my son to rip his life apart because of my mistakes. I do feel I'm wasting my life away here when I want to be with someone else. Your daughter is young enough where she won't remember much and their wouldn't be emotional damage, where my son is 13 and it would. If your not happy and your not getting any younger, do what you need to do. The sooner the better. Good Luck!
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