A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OK,so I'm needing some advice, not criticism buy good solid advice.Recently I have been up and down emotional, I have a lot to deal with just now but I was fine up until about six weeks ago. Six weeks ago my life changed and it's been tough, I have a boyfriend who I have been with for seven years, sure I love him but recently he has been dealing criticism towards me in a manner which I cannot stand. I lost two good friends so having someone to confide in is difficult, or it was,I have met the most amazing person, who has backed me up,calmed me down, made me smile when I thought there was no way and most of all let me be who I want. Problem is that my friend is male and my boyfriend cannot stand me having male friends,I know, silly right? So I'm a bit more free than that and I am hanging about lots with my new friend. A few days seeing my friend and been around him has made me feel human only problem is, I developed some feelings and I am afraid of these feelings, I remember when my boyfriend used to make me feel this way. This is where I need help, I want to leave my boyfriend because just now it's feeling like our relationship is more like a comfy convenient situation instead of a loving happy one. I want to open up to my friend and not feel guilty about hanging about with him. We haven't done anything to cause grief. Help please. Advice appreciated. Vee. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (15 August 2014):
Dear OP,
I believe you don't really need our advice, because you already know - deep down - what you want. You want to break up and try it with your new friend (who probably only acts like a platonic friend because he knows you are in a relationship). If you know that you are sure about your feelings, that you want a break up, then it's better to do it soon, before there's an awkward triangle situation, where there are two guys hoping for your love.
Two things I want you to think about before definitely breaking up:
1) Is your boyfriends' criticism and your recent crisis the only thing that drove you apart? If yes, could this be repaired with an open and honest talk? It makes a difference if you are leaving a good relationship in a moment of confusion and hurt feelings, or if you still find in a calm mood, that the love has gone and it's time to move on. So, don't leave in a state of chaos and misunderstanding, but take time to realize if the wish for a break up is permanent.
2) Don't expect the new guy to fill in for the old one. He might be a great friend and support, but overwhelmed at the idea of a relationship or he might be seeing you as "just a friend", because he met you in times of crisis. Don't assume you will become his girlfriend automatically. If you break up, be aware that you might become single, or that you still need to take it slow with your new friend and give him time to become clear about his feelings towards you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 August 2014):
 I agree if you feel DONE with the relationship, then by all means MOVE on.
But, I would strongly advise against jumping straight into a new relationship with this friend. TAKE some time being single and on your own. Be HAPPY with YOURSELF. You can still be friends and cultivate this friendship.
My guess is your BF have seen the writing on a the wall. And given the current situation CAN you really blame him for not being excited that you have a new male friend?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2014): What you see as a friend and confidant he sees as a guy trying to get in your pants.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 August 2014):
 If you are sure you no longer want to be with your boyfriend then just go ahead and break up with him. If he's been really critical lately maybe he is feeling the same as you.
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