A
female
age
41-50,
*unamare
writes:I have a serious problem. I am in a bad relationship, I know I should leave, but the circumstances don't allow it right now. I never know what is a lie and what is not, I have to make up for financial losses he creates, he gets angry and violent suddenly. I decided to hang in there until I see a way out. I am released from other issues in a few months, I planned to take my chance then and leave.A while ago I met someone who seems to be the person I should be with. He knows my situation, I told him nearly everything (I left out the worst things as not to upset him too much). He said we would be able to sort it out eventually. Recently, we spent a few days together. I had forgotten what life is about and I got a glimpse of it again. So I made the decision to leave the life I have been living, I realize I just cant take any more. But he says I shouldnt do that, that I risk too much, that I should wait. I don't understand this, why is he so distant suddenly? He is not the player-type, he is too sensitive. I dont want to give this up, but when I tell him I am nearly desperate, that need help getting out of this, and he tells me to wait, what should I think of that? I know I must leave, but I am too afraid, I am stuck, I cant move. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): He might be afraid that your violent husband will come after him.can you obtain help and support to leave from other people who are NOT a future boyfriend?? For example can you get the help and support you need to leave, from family members or other friends? if not, are there women's shelters in your area or support groups that you can contact?Thing is that you could be in a very weakened state if you rely on a new boyfriend to get you away from your husband. A new romantic relationship is best started when both parties are on solid stable ground and therefore are truly "themselves" not when one of them is working through serious personal issues, and leaving an abusive marriage is a serious personal issue that will take time for you to heal as an individual.good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): Sorry to hear that you are in such a bad situation. Based on the information you give us I can tell you that it is not advisable to stay in a violent, abusive relationship. You have planned to leave the current relationship to be with this new love interest. I don't think it is healthy to jump straight into something new, as you probably have wounds from your bad experiences that need time to heal. The new person you are talking about is probably afraid that after you leave your current relationship he will become responsible for your well being. I am sure he cares for you but maybe he is intimidated by the "bagage" you will bring with you and needs time to prepare himself. Try not to cling to him and act desperately, it may make him feel somewhat uncertain if he can provide all you long of him...No one can fix your situation for you, you need to deal with your issues first before you can move on to a new relationship. If you are afraid of leaving your partner or you do not have the money to be on your own, there are organisations in your country that can help you. CAW for instance will assist you if you are in an abusive relationship and want to get out. Their website is www.caw.be they will provide assistance to you. Never forget that abuse is not ok and it is not your fault!
All the best!
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