A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:has anyone ever asked their fiance/significant other to get as STD test? how did you manage to do that? Everytime I want to bring it up, it feels so weird so I don't. However I'm a virgin, and he is not by a long shot, and we were talking about how I get sick a lot compared to him, and he said the only times he got sick were bla bla bla, one of which he said was cuz a girl gave him an STI, which he paused and sorta stared at me and said that was embarrassing. ... then it occurred to me that I really should ask him to get tested.How to go about this??
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2013): I'm a virgin too and was in the same position. But if you're going to have sex with him, you better be comfortable enough to talk about this stuff. Being able to do so shows maturity. Here's what you do- before you actually have sex you just say "Hey I know this probably will sound awkward but I don't think we should have sex until you get tested".
My ex was pretty active before me as well and just said "ok!" and happily went along with it. He claimed he ALWAYS used a condom but I wasn't gonna just fall for that haha. So we made plans to get this done over break. Loads of fun...But hey, you'll be really happy you did it in the end. And if he respects you and cares enough, he'll do it to put your mind at ease.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2013): OP again.
It didn't occur to me that I should get tested, I'll do that.
It also didn't occur to me that it involved needles... I'll consider the nunnery now...
lol, really tho, thanks a lot, I feel more confident in myself now that he still needs to get tested, just didn't want to offend him somehow, and I'll offer to go with him so I can get tested too
It occurred to me that even by his logic he'd still need to get tested, because he slept with his ex months after they broke up, and even if she was faithful during the relationship, he'd have no way of knowing what she did after!
righty-o off to assert myself lol 3
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 April 2013):
 When I first started dating my husband he had been using escorts and I was active in the "swinger lifestyle"
I offered to give him a copy of my blood work and asked him to do the same. He readily agreed.
At 6 months we had it done again.
We both just had it done one last time with our regular doctor and now have her agreeing since we are monogamous and have been so for 2 years we no longer need to be tested (blood work wise, I still have my PAP smears yearly)
In this day and age asking for RECENT blood work (and offering yours) is no big deal in my book... it's part of getting serious and being sexual.
he's been with two girls in four years and whomever else they slept with before him and while they were sleeping with him.
Until he's monogamous with you then he's not safe (technically) even if he used condoms.
he needs CURRENT blood work and you need to SEE it not just be told.
I will tell you I asked for it and I got it and I had NO CLUE how terrified my hubby is of needles.... it told me just how much he cared about me that he was willing to be stuck to give me what I asked for.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): No it doesn't mean he's safe just as being a virgin doesn't make you safe either if you've ever done anything sexual involving your vagina.
The best way to ask is to both go OP. That's what I agreed to with my fiancée, she was a virgin and I'd had lots of partners. OP condoms don't protect you completely, especially with herpes which is one of the only ones still incurable.
I had absolutely no problem getting tested and I was the one suggested it but I too didn't want to gamble on my health so I wanted her tested too.
If you won't go get tested then why should he? OP plenty of STIs are symptomless and they can be passed orally too.
I'd have no problem getting tested but there's no chance in hell I would accept being the only one of the two of us who gets to protect their health. Being a virgin doesn't guarantee anything. HIV, the Heps can all be transmitted other ways.
If I were you, I'd go in and both of you get tested, if you won't then don't expect him to.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 April 2013):
 If he's had sex since he's been tested, time for a retest. Peculiar he thinks he doesn't need any medical exam, and is relying on the women to do all the work? Hm.
Be brave. Woman up and take care of your own health, okay? Don't rely on his word that the women he had sex with long ago saw their own doctors. That's silly, don't you think?
Empower yourself. You deserve it!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 April 2013):
 No, being tested 4 years ago doesn't mean "dick" if he has slept with others afterwards. Did he have unprotected sex?
In my opinion everyone should get tested BEFORE sleeping together TWICE (if they have had any kind of risky sex/unprotected sex) one test when you are sure you want to BE a couple and then 3 months later BEFORE sex.
And In those 3 months I would get on birth-control and I would NOT EVER have unprotected sex(which means he needs to use condoms too).
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A
male
reader, clueless in colorado +, writes (1 April 2013):
He'll do it. All you have to do is be blunt about it. "Before we go there you need to get tested. Period. Yeah,I love you, and if you love me you won't mind if we take precautions." If he still rebukes the idea, then you should reevaluate your decision. What you have is, IMHO, sacred for a woman. It should be for a man as well, but that's long gone for him. But for you, it should be a treasured moment. Or at least a treasured lover. you are giving all of yourself out of love and that should be honored.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): Thank you for replying, I'm the OP.
I asked. He said he got tested a while ago, like 4 years, and since then has only been with 2 girls, both of which had been tested before they had sex.
Does this mean it's safe? or should he still get tested because of the time that has passed?
I don't know his exes too well, and I don't think they are the cheating sort, but I don't know that I want to bet my own health on it.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 April 2013):
"Hey, Jude, don't be afraid…"
oops, sorry, I'll start again,
"Hey, Jude, we are getting closer and I expect there will be some more physical intimacy in the future. So the thing is, because you have been sexually active in the past with other girls, and mentioned that STI thing you got from one of them, well, I think before we go any further, that it's time for you and I to be tested for STIs.
"It's totally embarrassing and difficult to ask but I hope you understand! It will set my mind at ease. Probably saves heartbreak in some people, don't you think?"
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