A
female
age
30-35,
*yra23
writes:I have this close friend, I met her in college four years ago. She had a boyfriend...now she doesn't. I feel atracted to her and I really want to kiss her...but I'm scared of myself not of her rejection...she accepts me and she's very kind.This are the signs she's giving me:-She can't spend more 3 days without seeing me, calling or texting (she says she misses me to death)-She kissed a girl before and said she would like to be with a girl at least once.-She calls me my love and sweetie...but not with that friendly kind of tone.-Last week I was upset with stuff and she grabs my face with both hands in the middle of the street looks me in the eyes and says: "You're such a beautiful woman. You need to believe yourself". I was embarassed...she noticed it. She kept grabing me and she said: "Hey you're not running away let me finish". I looked into her mouth. If it wasn't so public...Oh...I think I kinda love her. How can I make a move without freaking her out? I never kissed anyone in my live. Help me...some advice.
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female
reader, Kyra23 +, writes (27 September 2013):
Kyra23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou're so good to me auntie. I can never thank U enough
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2013): It's not your aura that repels people. It's your bad attitude. You're fortunate to have her as a friend, don't mess it up.
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A
female
reader, Kyra23 +, writes (26 September 2013):
Kyra23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFor Tisha
You gave me some food for thought there.
Yes she knows I'm lesbian...well that could explain the way she acts. Flirting for fun. If I didn't know she's a great person I would just turn my back on her and f*** it. I don't like being played.
We always want to be liked and wanted but I guess it's business as usual. My aura repels people or something.
Thank you
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A
female
reader, Kyra23 +, writes (26 September 2013):
Kyra23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFor WiseOwl
I'm being hostile? Well yes! You called me young lady and assumed lots of things. I'm sorry but you were annoying. I understand that this is a dubious situation.
She would be my first and thats why I'm asking for advice.
"She's emotionally vulnerable" maybe but what about me? Id' rather be straight but I'm not I'll never be.
You told me to be careful I accept it it's logical! What I didn't like was something about the way you wrote.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (26 September 2013):
 Does she know you are lesbian?
If yes, then maybe she likes to flirt with you to make herself feel wanted and attractive, not to make you feel wanted and attractive. Can you see the difference there? Maybe she's insecure and likes the knowledge that she can make people feel attracted to her.
If yes, then maybe she's a closeted lesbian or bi but just hasn't made the break to come out.
If yes, but she isn't that into you but senses you feel vulnerable, she keeps giving you signals to let you know you are attractive without saying she finds you sexually desirable. In other words, she's being nice by being flirty.
If yes, maybe it's time you simply said to her that you think she's a lovely girl and would certainly contemplate being with her.
If she does not know you are a lesbian, then stop playing games with her and clue her in.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2013): You might want to cool down your hostility; if you're asking the aunts for advice. No one rushed to respond. I do want to help. If you're going to fire back when people say what you don't like, don't expect too many responses; if any at all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2013): You're the one asking for help. Go ahead and make your play.
You said she was a friend. If you have so many reason you can, why are your writing DC?
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A
female
reader, Kyra23 +, writes (26 September 2013):
Kyra23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNº1 - I'm not out. My parents would freakin' kill me. A teacher when I was 13 insinuated I might be lesbian and my mom was grossed.
Nº2 - My mom doesn't touch my face. She's bloody OCD.
Nº3 - She told me about girls when she was still fine with her bf. No emotional vulnerability there.
Nº4 - "You're beautiful"; "Your legs are f**** hot" - that's straight, specially 'cause she doesn't talk like that with anyone else including the other girl friend in the "3 Musketeers"
Nº5 - How the heck I'm I supposed to find someone if don't do anything. And don't say lesbian bar...you don't know my country is like. There's not even good straight night clubs.
Nº6 - Don't compare me to Macho men. I'm not butch at all
You're in the USA good for you, dude. I don't want to destroy the friendship. She's like my sister if I hooked up with her it would never be to hurt her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2013): No, no, and no! This is just your hormones talking. Stop, look, and listen. You're heading for a pile up!
You do not turn to supposedly "straight" friends for romantic love for many many reasons. She just broke up with a boyfriend, and she is going through a range of fluctuating emotions. They're all over the place, and she will say and do things out of character. She isn't in full charge of her emotions right now.
Stop reading gay into everything. That's too convenient. You will not change her and she isn't there for your easy picking and exploitation. Men do that to women, and it's deplorable.
I'm gay too. I read these posts too many times and it's all pretty much the same story. Infatuation with a gay-curious best friend. You'll attach feelings that she will not return. A horny moment means nothing.
A man comes along, and there's a new problem to post DC about. Do not approach an emotional or vulnerable woman, gay or straight, on the rebound. That's comparable to being an emotional predator. Taking advantage of someone in a weakened state of mind.
If you want her true feelings, wait. Wait and let her approach you. You're just waiting to pounce. Get a grip young lady. I don't care about her kissing girls and holding your face. What's so gay about that? Your mother does that. You're eager for an opportunity to jump on her bones. Cut it out. Just stop it. She did it publicly; because there was nothing to be ashamed of, or gay about it.
She was consoling her best friend.
People should let you know outright; if they want to do anything "gay." You don't go sneaking up on them. That's the best way I know to kill a good friendship.
Stay behind the boundaries and wait for her to come to you. I mean straight out without any question. Not during emotional moments. Then you'll end up apologizing and things get awkward.
Being an experienced gay man, I've seen and personally experienced just about everything possible. I've read dozens of books, and shared many experiences with my gay friends and associates. I know how we develop crushes on our good-looking straight friends. It's easy to rationalize and try to justify making an inappropriate pass. It's not worth risking your friendship.
You're the established "out" gay person, she is not. So it's your responsibility to keep your "gay feelings" between you, and other known gay people.
Not sneak up on vulnerable people who haven't acknowledged they are openly gay or bisexual. People recently victim of a breakup or traumatic experience. That just isn't fair.
It may not be the advice you want to hear; but I hope you value your friendship enough to consider the consequences, if what I say is all true.
Be a good friend, and keep your feelings and hormones in check.
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