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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I am currently in a very serious long distance relationship. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 year, and have been close friends for longer than that. I am still in high school and he is in first year university. My problem is I think he is drinking way too much than he should be. I realize that he wants to experience freedoms and have fun, but I just wish he didn't drink as much as he did. I've told him how I feel but he ignores me. I'm worried because both of his parents are alcoholics (one is reformed) and I don't want him following the same path. What should I do to help him?
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alcoholic, long distance, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2007): i love my boyfirned so much but dont want to control him all just to find away out of it and i want him to see that i care about him
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007):
A college guy can drink a lot.. and that is not necessarily a bad thing.
He just needs to spend some time educating himself on what to look out for in his behavior and how he uses alchol. He needs to be able to prioritize his studies and have some sence of pacing and off days to respect his body.
Its a life skill and college is not a bad place to acquire it.
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A
female
reader, Lilly223  +, writes (9 January 2007):
 If your boyfriend truly is an alcoholic there is NOT a lot you can do. I imagine he is telling you he doesn't believe that he drinks too much, it is not a problem, everybody that he hangs out with drinks this much, it is not affecting his life, mind your own business, and all he is is a "social drinker." If he responds to your attempts to help him as such, you'd be better off talking to a brick wall. I know I will catch a lot of guff for this answer... sure go ahead and recommend that he stop drinking, that he seek couseling, attend AA meetings.. what ever. BUT... until HE decides that he has a problem all the suggestions you make to get him to change is NOT going to help. You cannot force him to stop drinking.
What can you do? Refuse to bail him out when he gets himself in trouble, tell him when he asks what you really think and nothing more, but don't attempt to fix it for him. Don't try to make him drink less, he will end up resenting you and probably call you a control freak. "Stop trying to control my life," and may very well drink more... because your the bad guy, always picking on him and making him feel like crap. "I have to drink to deal with her."
I know my response sounds futile... in someways it is... but from a person with a LOT of experience dealing with people with drinking problems, this is the about the only way to go, until they decide enough is enough.
On a personal note... if you are bothered enough by his drinking that you are writing for advice for him, then he probably does drink too much. Rather than wrap yourself up in a relationship that is going to be a continual struggle (until he decides he's had enough) I would really recommend moving on. Trying for a relationship that has such a huge dark mark hovering over it will be more work than most people are willing to bear.
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